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old night
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old night |
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Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain 
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Cold and stony was the glass wall there As well as a maiden, with tiny knots in her hair Her love plaited in the single braid, seeming a stroke of brilliance A prince has not come in the dark of night Pale of the moon glowing down on the tower So picture it, frame it, on the wall that stands Near the hourglass ticking away time As a true love does not ride down the path Paved by the servant that lives there Crashing and banging, the thunder rolls down Lit up by the lightning that strikes its great hand All alone in the night, cries howl to the moon No one to give her strength anymore Through the dark, the storm does tear on Creeping in and out of the trees mighty limbs Breaking down the poor maiden so fair To collect a token each time the bell tolls Droplets painted a pictured on the old tin roof Of the barn where her love was to meet If so unfortunately for him did the roof then cave He would be gone by the light of new day Yet, was he there to die in her honor Waiting in there for the girl in the tower to come down My mistress please cry for the town just informed The one you call love is dead Windows stained with the fog, words written in by a girl. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
My, a rather mournful poem here. The second stanza is neat, with all the things you do with the storm. The whole poem casts a good deal of darkness. 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Riley... WOW.... this is incredible. I love your style, the moderation you use between addressing the reader and describing the image directly, the wordings of each line and especially the way you cut the closing line a bit shorter than the rest to let the final syllable echo. The whole story here is just perfect, as Fractal said, mournful from the very start. I think your style has evolved here to a new standard, Riley... this poem is definitely my favourite of yours to date, I'm adding it to my library and congratulating you on a job well done. Excellent poetry. Parasite "Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
click |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Fractal: Thanks a lot. LP: sinsters my game  . I'm glad you WOWed it. I got inspired to write this by one of those open mic things in the lounge but it turned out something totally different.Riley " Were in Heaven " - Dj Sammy Windows stained with the fog, words written in by a girl. |
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