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"'mo jazz"
| Poetic Haven |
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"'mo jazz" |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Take this thought-- a verb make me a marching band of timphany-- I lead the line of high stepping a baton of what used to be... let the tuba keep the flats... a fife of flute a simple spat of lover's quarrels played in jazz with undertones of all b flat squeezing weeping from my bones the dirge of swirls in drink--alone. Time the brittle of my tones... and whisper? (say...) You're not alone... let me press the stress from us... let me. let me. let me. trust... [This message has been edited by serenity blaze (11-30-2002 07:25 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Wow, I really liked the way you used the aspects of band ( unfortunatly I am a band geek  ) such as flats, sharps, instruments etc. in this....not what I expected for sure. But I liked it...also the end of the poem really caught me....I loved it...the let me let me part...and then trust..that was awesome...Thanks for the read  Riley Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you...... |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
quote: mmmmmm...  loved it. as usual. can i be your groupie?  /jen/ i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Riley? I was just trying to convey the tones...I really did envision a marching band for this piece but I thank you for recognizing (mehopes) that I did attempt a dance of jazz--it's nice, getting lost when some finds their way home with ya!  and /jen/??? I didn't even know I was allowed groupies! But absolutely! You are my personal...um...REMEMBERER yeah...that's it...:supergroin: It's all good tho. Pack a bottle o spritz, some dentyne--Evian? and I'm good until the bar opens... Okay...I'll be have now. thanks yeah...RIGHT.  |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Wow, really cool stuff... as usual your underlying message is so shrouded that I have to squint while reading, but it's all good. I, too, like how you took musical and band terminology and mixed it all in to keep the theme stable... very nice work, Serenity. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks LP...and? sigh, I don't try to be confusing, and that's a question I have been struggling with. Do we go with the obvious metaphor in order to be understood? I've often wondered how good is anything if no one can understand it? Or do we insult our reader's intelligence by assuming that they will not understand a more obscure reference? And have you seen the signature my sister made for you? Check out the messages at ASoTS...it's cute. Thanks for reading lovie. As always I appreciate your insight. |
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