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brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa

0 posted 2002-11-17 04:04 AM


he sings
the distance

the suffering heart
              (burnished brass
a quivering cry)
in

          mute
                 smoke
rings

rising
to join

the empty

branches

the lonely
streetlight
                haloed
by
cold

         rain

sing
sing to the miles
that
separate

make them disappear

send the sad hush
of mist
to drape
the cypress
            (bleeding knees
a quivering sigh)

my exhale
intense
to the sleeping sky

say it Miles
say it
you know........

All Blues

© Copyright 2002 brian sites - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2002-11-17 09:19 AM


This...pure poetry baby...

a tight jam of word thought here, that plays as light as spontaneity but your structure is as solid as a rock...

*shaking my head and smiling*

You amaze me.

*rubbing my head*

You don't even know how good you are, do you?

and that just makes you cute, too.

I guess all I can say is,

*snaps*

and..."wow"


wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
2 posted 2002-11-17 11:56 AM


Brian, this IS poetry, and a poetry that I know, all to well....
One that I truly, wish I had written.

Damn!
(I could, uh..... borrow it?)


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2002-11-18 08:52 AM


*library*



(that's right...studying YOU now)

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
4 posted 2002-11-18 09:58 AM


you love to make me blush
don't you?
*squirmsquirm*

sigh....
Iamwren

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
5 posted 2002-11-18 01:57 PM


Some fancy stuff, mister Sites.  My eyes are sore from darting from place to place reading it, but that's not a complaint...

You've got a surprising amount of sound technique worked into such a visually appealing poem as this one.  Plenty of consonance to keep the reader's tongue familiar with itself.  You wrote this well, and I commend you on it.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

6 posted 2002-11-18 04:05 PM


Feelin' kind of blue round about midnight?
brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
7 posted 2002-11-19 01:57 AM


thanks LP, preciate it

Mike?

yes
and you know
all too well
yourself

chorus:  Distance Sucks!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2002-11-22 03:22 PM


sing
sing to the miles
that
separate

make them disappear

send the sad hush
of mist
to drape
the cypress
            (bleeding knees
a quivering sigh)

my exhale
intense
to the sleeping sky


say it Miles
say it
you know........
============================

*sighing here* .... and smiling...
(ask KA how many times I have typed to her..."long distance sucks")

this is beauty in verse....
you sing the blues with style poet sir...
our words build bridges over the miles

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
but stay awhile, maybe then you'll see
a different side of me

MB20

quietlydying
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
9 posted 2002-11-22 05:30 PM


amazing.

absolutely amazing.

this is what it's all about.  

i love the style you've got going here, and the language you used was just incredible.

keep em coming.  i'll be watching.

/jen/

i'm so bitterly disappointed.  betty, i think it's time you leave now.

Kielo
Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109

10 posted 2002-11-23 12:41 PM


An amazing poem. This is what people strive for when they write love poetry. This, I admire.

Kielo

According to statistics, a man eats a prune every twenty seconds. I don't know who this fellw is, but I know where to find him.
-Morey Amsterdam

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