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Dust on Forgotten Memories
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Dust on Forgotten Memories |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
She watched the shadows in the trees And thought she saw him standing there But with a shift of moonlight flurry She realized the orchard was bare Each day passed and still he did not come His whispered promises began to fade She stood at the window watching for him Growing more and more dismayed As the years passed she grew to know Bitter truth built from his silken lies And realized her heart was thrown away By a man who sought no lover’s ties Her wrinkled face grew bitter and gray Still she searched for him amid the trees Her view of life now amber hued Seen through the dust of forgotten memories *** Note: Still trying to write..I'm not at all pleased with this and am not looking for praise...any suggestions would be helpful. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
It is a lovely portrait Sharon...and I won't have YOU talking to y'self either!  The only suggestion I can think of, is that I would like more insight to her inner thought, perhaps through some clever metaphor using the analogy of the orchard...perhaps harvest, or even some sort of slash-n-burn reference--but that's just ME--I'm trying to stop beating folks over the head with my words...sigh... Hugs, you. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Hey, stop trying to extract bad from this good.  If you don't like it, all I can suggest is the meter's a bit jumpy. But I find all your poems have something I can take away with me. *eating from the orchard* Mike |
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