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Wall tracings
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Wall tracings |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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Whenever I play your music, you shape yourself to wall. Your hands are the windows, I can see through them -- the veins of frame and lock. Your eyes are the door (strangely not the windows) because you either open or shut, open or shut. And your mouth is the floor. Your tongue collects my footfalls and speaks it back out in the notes I scrawl from the speakers to my wall. To you. She said burn ... together. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Scary!!! Turn on a light..I think you've been in the dark too long!!! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
oooh - i like this!!! see, good poetry with little thought beforehand! |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
The lights are blazing, pDv. But my mind is on the verge of shut down.  Thanks, Christopher. Glad y' enjoyed this bit o' inanity. She said burn ... together. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
This is the kind of poetry I love to read from you, Mike... very strange visual imagery, a lot of metaphor and literal comparison... and you justified every metaphor you used. Now that is what I like to see. I love that sense of this person being the entire house around you, while you are merely a resident on the inside. Very, very cool. So did you and Chris have some kind of challenge for these poems? I'm curious. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
wow, its so dark and yet it still has some light. o yea and i loved loved loved the imagery....!!! Riley Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you...... [This message has been edited by Riley (11-30-2002 12:19 PM).] |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
What a unique aspect you took with this theme.. I enjoyed it much! Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
there were some disturbing images in this, but they were presented in such a powerful way that they most definitely added to the piece. very strongly written. nicely done. /jen/ i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
This was one of those Open Mic Night poems from a while back. Quite a strange poem, which pretty much shows me at the end of a long night trying to come up with verse for the phrase "Wall tracings." |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
umm.. I like it.. I think the only thing I'm not too keen on with this one is when you write: "Your eyes are the door(strangely not the windows)" Obviously u r referring to the cliche of her eyes were like windows, but really, it makes me think of it without writing '(strangely not the windows)', because saying 'the door' is unusual. I actually really don't like that line, because it sounds.. young, compared to the rest of the poem, as thoguht u threw it in as an afterthought just to make sure we noticed that a door was differnt to a window.. BUT I love the rest. the last piece is especially goodLuv, Lynne It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Glad to see you back! Truth be told, Lynne, I dislike this poem in its entirety. Truly a tired mind at work on this one. |
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