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Her
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Her |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand 
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His impatience never sees her cry as his hot eyes slowly eat her. Short, yes.  I wrote this from a bunch of words we were given - kind of a jigsaw poem if you will. It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved | |||
kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Lynne, a short poem perhaps but one that takes this reader in many directions nonetheless...the choice of the word "hot" is interesting...i thought of a hunk who is physically attractive and conquers women easily...i also thought of a man who looked so angry that his eyes were burning... i would like the title to be different though...something that addresses the power imbalance in the relationship... good to read you again |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thanks. Yeah, I was kind of lost for a title for a while, so I think it shows! "hot".. interesting! ^_^ I must admit that's the bit I liked best when I wrote it. When I wrote it I meant for the description "hot" to refer to something like 'turned on', ie she knows what he wants, but he doesn't CARE what she wants because he knows he has power over her to serve his own demands.. I think all 3 of the connotations fit! Thank youAnyone have another idea for a title? Um..? Love, Lynne It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
hmmm, "Manipulated" came to my mind as i read this |
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jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
What's this about? watched too much cookie monster on TV :p.. Not bad.. lollies for you. - James |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
What about Consummation or Consumed? (though Consummation gives it that yummy innuendo flavor) Really enjoyed, Lynne. She said burn ... together. |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thank youp guys hehe, 'manipulated' brings to mind (for me - I'm probably just weird  ) those squishy stress balls.. ^_^ (cookie monster? she wishes.. )Consumed.. hey wait, the term 'consumated' (ie a marriage - I don't know if there can be another context) means what I think it does, right? What about "Consumation" ?? Does that.. um.. work? ... ? Luv y'all -Lynne It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 BRAVO!!! Oh Lynne, this is wonderful, sweet friend, it saddens me to see so many fail to sympathize with anothers needs and only worsen the situation! (sigh) This is excellent, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lynne, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
It's something very bothersome, the destruction of a person like this... you kept it short and that really aided the poem a lot in making the point more, shall we say, sharp. Such simplicity and truth. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thanks Noah, you've always got something nice to say. And thanks Parasite - yes! You've got it to a tee.. Hey, do you mind if I call this poem "Parasite"? Because I've been looking for a new title that is more fitting that "her".. do you think it seems parasitic?? It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
ahhh okay... slowly eat her... that sounds good to me. A parasite is something that draws from a host for its own benefit. Usually the parasite doesn't kill its host, because if it did kill the host, it would have nothing to live on. Calling this poem "parasite" would give a lot more insight into the actual situation. |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Yes! I have a new title.. From this day forth I dub thee "Parasite", small poem.. =P Thanks for the idea LP!!! Love, Lynne |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Long may the parasite(s) here rise to the surface like clotted cream! |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Not a bad job of putting the pieces together. I like how you attribute the act of seeing to his emotion of impatience and then go on to describe his actual eyes eating her. That's a neat little trick. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
this was disturbing. quite. then again i nearly had a mental breakdown when i got a tick this summer [at work of all places]. eating away at me, sucking, burrowing deeper... ::shudders and screams:: /jen/ 'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control. i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.' [radiohead] |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thanks fracta & Jen.. ^_^ It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold. |
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