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Open Poetry #18

Storm of Sorrow

Lonely Shadow
Member

since 2000-03-14

Posts 128
Virginia

0 posted 2002-01-11 07:18 PM

The sun once shone bright
Over my world of hope and joy
But now dark clouds blanket
My heart with darkness
Happiness slowly replaced by fear
And guilt, as the storm of sorrow
Finally reaches home
Heartache crashing down
Upon a once proud man
Filling his heart with fear
Flashes of self hatred
Burning bright, blinding me
Tears well within my eyes
As visions of my past
Return to me, sorrowed images
I look to God above,
“please lord, please spare me”
“please let this storm pass me by”
but no answer is heard
so I must weather this storm of sorrow
and pray for comfort
for the happiness to return

Fear destroys the mind, depression destroys the soul... only love and compassion may save you from death.

[This message has been edited by Lonely Shadow (01-11-2002 07:59 PM).]

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

1 posted 2002-01-11 07:27 PM

This was a very powerful poem. I noticed a few grammatical errors (the only critique I can really give here). In the first line, "shown" should be "shone." The other one--and I'm not really sure this is an error, because it may have been a statement (I'm never sure)--was the lowercase G in god. You were writing about an all-powerful God Who is able to calm storms and take away fears, so it should have been capitalized, unless you were making an ironic statement about God, in which case the the g should have stayed lowercase. Hope you get my drift here. Anyway, I liked the images in here and it was very nicely done.

God bless America, my home sweet home.

ecrivan
Member Elite

since 2001-12-10

Posts 3923
my own state

2 posted 2002-01-11 07:37 PM

storms of sadness require lots of energy to overcome, I have been there..your poem relates that very well, try to move towards
a more descriptive meter, adding perhaps how you see yourself getting out of this state and how others are reacting to you.These are just thoughtful suggestions

[This message has been edited by ecrivan (01-11-2002 07:38 PM).]

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