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Open Poetry #18
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Bird Ballad
| Open Poetry #18 |
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Bird Ballad |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) 
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A bird was born to take its flight Against the Wind to weave A nut, a corn, a bit of seed If none then he will leave My soul is pecked by speckled beak And bathed by now a lark Who sings a song of mischief-love? That finds me in the dark Yet sightless eyes, I still can hear The Wind blows whispered words You sing a song to fill my heart As trees fill up with birds (i am in a poetry class this semester at college and can really use real critique and didnt want to put it in analysus so anyway tis a ballad in 8686 stanza with iambic foot...please point out my mistakes...gotta read it in class) [This message has been edited by wayoutwalt (02-06-2002 11:39 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Walt Burns - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
I don't know much about form, so I can't help you there. This is very good Walt! Each word flows on it's own. One for the skipper!!  |
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amusemi Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262A State of Disarray |
I counted it and it's right on!! Good job!! |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Walt~ You're right up my cage with bird verse~ I like it very much~  The 8686 count is right on ! Don't know much about those Iambic footsie things, but I read it out loud and it sounded very sing-songy~ My only question is why wind is capitalized ? Of course if you're going to read it to the class ... they won't know whether it is or it isn't ... right ? *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
You do seem to have your iambics in order, wayout one... the birds are flying iambically...  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Wayout, Well I guess you got your answer. Enjoyed |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) YAY!!! Ooohhh...this is indeed a ballad in its 8686 syllable count, I love it!!! (big hugggsssssss) May these songbirds always fill the trees of your heart and twitter with happiness for you, sweet friend, we all love you so much! Good luck on your class, we all are so proud of you! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Walter, thank you for sharing!   May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
Thanks for all the help...should I add on to it? |
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cruz Member
since 2000-07-18
Posts 282Dallas,Texas USA |
Should you add more? First, do you think the reader gets enough from what you've written? And...in a close SECOND, do you wanna read more in front of all those crazy people + instructor? Well written, it sounds fantazmik |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Very nicely done, Walt! Your meter is perfect. I did enjoy this one.  God bless America, my home sweet home. |
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elisaseyes Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 196fort worth texas |
Add more but not after bedtime! |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Walt, how fun! Taking a poetry writing class, what a hoot and holler that must be...except reading out loud can be spooky and intimidating. I love birds, and this poem flew along nicely for me. I say leave it be, it feels complete, and has a nice rhythm. Keep creating and having fun with all those words and forms. |
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