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icequeen
Senior Member

since 2001-12-09

Posts 633
FL USA

0 posted 2002-02-06 05:58 PM

The smell of jasmine
languished in the night
thick like summer air
of a southern Sunday.
She lay stretched out
in a beam of moonlight
staring at the thin curtains
hoping to see movement ~
but the breeze had gone to sleep
just as he had,
his back to her,
without caress or kiss.
An odor of nonchalance
lingered over the bed,
mixing with the jasmine
forming black clouds
over the moon
She shivered
as the moonbeam faded away
and she was alone
again

© february 2002

...and her crown was formed by the ice in her eyes

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

1 posted 2002-02-06 09:29 PM

staring at the thin curtains
hoping to see movement ~
but the breeze had gone to sleep
just as he had,
his back to her,

Your words stir some real emotions.
Nicely done and written with such feeling.

Alicethruglass
Member

since 2001-06-19

Posts 368

2 posted 2002-02-06 09:44 PM

I agree with Blues Serenade..a lovely but sad write

thank you
*s

~A~

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

3 posted 2002-02-06 09:49 PM

icequeen - this is the first write I've seen of yours, and it's very good. Sad, but well said and written...

BC

ctowen
Member Elite

since 2001-10-18

Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT

4 posted 2002-02-07 12:55 PM

I could picture this moon, curtains of its light pressing as the night took rest ...
I was stirred!!
I found your words very moving, most excellent!

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2002-02-08 01:37 AM

Fantastic imagery, and you held me to the end in this wonderful piece. I will be searching for more of yours, thanks.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.
Let the reader catch their own breath."
~Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart~

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

6 posted 2002-02-08 01:41 AM

icequeen,
Okay...I confess. These are memories too painful to recall and described so well I can't forget! Wow.

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

7 posted 2002-02-08 06:58 AM

ice queen,
Ditto Larry. stirring write
write on
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

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