»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #18
»
Upon a Wooden Box (New title)
| Open Poetry #18 |
|
Upon a Wooden Box (New title) |
|
|
His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Thanks for all the feedback. I have changed the title since more poets felt this new title is a better fit for this piece. Upon a wooden box Lay fragrant petals ~ scenting the air Varying shades of pink to scarlet deep Such beauty today seems quite unfair as tender roses and baby’s breath weep Upon a wooden box Lay long-stemmed American beauties, too fresh and alive to be here with death, They're meant to capture romantic hearts not cover her body which has no breath Upon a wooden box Heartbroken, the petals wither Shedding their colors in silent tears Her roses, the florist would now deliver The ones he gave her for fifty years Upon a wooden box He places a kiss, then walks away A single rose is clutched in his hand He wipes his tears and begins to pray Grant her roses in the Promised Land It’s up to you, God, after today. Cheryl McClellan 1/22/02 [This message has been edited by His Poet (01-23-2002 11:56 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2002 His Poet - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Like the poem And think the “Upon a Wooden Box” is better to reflect the mood, If that is what you want to do in the title. That’s not always the best, since some prejudge a poem by it’s title, And think it’s a different type of a love poem. This is a Fine love poem, either title works, My preference is “Upon a Wooden Box” But I come from the shadows Gloom |
||
Nightshade 
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
His Poet, whatever you decide to title this work, it is always going to touch the reader deeply. Enjoyed. Chris Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
||
|
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Beautifully done.. and don't touch the title. I love it!  |
||
|
His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Gloom, Thanks for reading. Choosing a title is always a difficult task for me. I have found that it can make or break a poem. So I thought the other would be more appealing. Now I'll wait and see what others think. Cheryl |
||
|
His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Thank you, Chris. I'm glad you approve of either title and I'm happy you like my poem. Cheryl |
||
|
His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Temptress, Glad you liked the title and the poem. Many thanks, Cheryl |
||
|
Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
wow this was a great peice extremely powerful, and brought a lot of meaning and emotion to me, recently I witnessed the pain and hurt of losing my grandmother, and in that I saw how much it has killed my grandfather. Watching a grown man, a Navy vet weep was powerful and very sad,making me realize just how strong the power of love is, and that it really is everlasting sometimes, and you poem brought back all of those memories. I like the title... although upon a wooden box would work equally as well. |
||
Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Cheryl, this is so sad and heartbreaking, my heart cries out to her and hope with all my heart that love can again fill her heart then when the time is right she will re-unite with her love. (big hugggsssss) So sad but beautiful, sweet friend, and I love the title the way it is, it is so compassionately gorgeous! We all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Cheryl, thank you for sharing!    May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
||
|
RosePetal
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985South Florida |
this is gorgeous, I like the title Upon a wooden box, but no matter what its still a lovely poem!!! RP |
||
|
His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Martini, I'm glad this poem touched you even though the memories were sad. Your granddad must have loved his wife tremendously. After fifty years, some couples don't really know how to survive without their life long companions. Thanks so much for replying. Cheryl |
||
|
His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Noah, Thanks so much for reading. It seems we split on the title about half and half. I may leave it as it is then. I knew what a tender heart you have so I know this tugged your heart strings. Glad you enjoyed. Cheryl |
||
|
His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Rose Petal, Thanks so much for replying. I'm glad you liked this. For now I think I'll leave the title alone. Cheryl |
||
|
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
His Poet, this really touched my heart. I can remember our day with the roses on the grave..I love the title "upon a wooden box", as it has a sense of what the poem is really about, Her death, and the roses he sent her. great work. floria [This message has been edited by strbbux (01-22-2002 08:30 PM).] |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Excellent write no matter what the title! Enjoyed this so much Cheryl. ~Hugs, Nancy~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
A wonderful write...very heartfelt, very sincere. I would take the last line in the last stanza and break it off, leaving it to stand alone... Either title works well...I do think "Upon the Wooden Box" is a bit stronger... |
||
|
His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Floria, I'm sure many of us can remember roses at the grave side of a loved one. I certainly can. Thanks for reading. Cheryl Nancy, Thanks so much. I have changed the title but I'm glad you liked either way. Thanks also for the hugs. Cheryl Sunshine, Thanks for your interest and suggestion, which I took. I'm glad you liked it and appreciate your input. Cheryl Note from Ron: Saying Thanks to everyone is great, and I encourage everyone to do so as much and as often as you want. But three separate posts, all back-to-back, simply consumes our resources to no good purpose. Please, when thanking multiple people at the same time, just combine your comments into a single post, as I've done for you above. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
