Observed While Riding - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Oceanus
Junior Member

since 2002-01-18

Posts 10
The Pacific

0 posted 2002-01-19 06:53 PM

Observed While Riding

The Horse's hooves strike lively time
While carriage wheels make simple rhyme.
The country birds are just like we,
By living life so musically.

The native plants show striking hues
Of pinks and yellows, reds and blues.
The poppies catch a sunlit glow
And turn to stoplights, row by row.

The riding's best at break of day
When morning winds chase cares away.
Life tingles through the summer air
And makes the senses come aware.

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

1 posted 2002-01-19 07:03 PM

I am in AWE of this....having three horses of my own, there is no better escape to observe nature, and gather beauty....

Lauren~

Tomorrow's another day
and I'm thirsty any way
so bring on the rain

[This message has been edited by Greeneyes (01-19-2002 07:03 PM).]

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2002-01-19 07:24 PM

(sigh) Sooooooooo beautiful, sweet friend, there's no prettier escape than into the heart of the morning to gaze upon natures beauty! (kiss on cheek) I love it, sweet friend, this is beautiful! We all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

3 posted 2002-01-19 07:27 PM

Oceanus - Very much enjoyed this one. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

elfin_tigress
Member

since 2002-05-15

Posts 101
Someplace

4 posted 2002-05-15 08:05 PM

I think that this is a very nice poem, Oceanus. The rhyme and meter scheme is very logical and flowing. One of the best things about this poem is how you use very simple language to show very vivid images. I applaud this work. To strengthen it, however, you may want to try to find stronger words for your strong images. For example: instead of "The native plants show striking hues," you might try: "The native plants shine striking hues." It's merely a suggestion, and something that you may want to experiment with, but I do not see any real problems. Well done!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.