Fairytales' End - pipTalk Forums

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mauddib
Member

since 2002-01-12

Posts 119
melbourne australia

0 posted 2002-01-17 04:45 PM

I remember the day when you threw the switch.
When all the lights went out on Broadway.
Stuck in the usual traffic jam
of our well practised duet.
You slam shut the door like a bullet spent.
Point blank I did buy it,
With no credit left.

You were gone.
Gone for all money.
No witness to cold murder by those weapon like lips,
That took the pulse of the moment
and fled on the wind,
That blew a house down,
Our house built with sticks.

You never left such a mess before.
Always quick with the doily,
First to a chor.
Stains wouldn't touch you,
They wouldn't bother any more.
But the stain too stubborn
was a name not yours.

Strange is this prison of salt water walls.
Echoes of torture
Bounce down its halls.
Where rosy red apples are nought but painfull stye.
Here to buy back every sore red eye.
Where parole don't come easy,
And every chance that one gets,
Stagger down the vagabond alleys
to loves' last address.

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

1 posted 2002-01-17 06:24 PM

"Loves Last address" Maud, I loved the last stanza, great write. floria

Morcastlin
Member

since 2002-01-14

Posts 244
The Jersey Shore, USA

2 posted 2002-01-17 10:00 PM

This was great! That last stanza really wrapped it all up very well! Bravo!!!!

Love,
Bonnie

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

3 posted 2002-01-17 10:11 PM

"No witness to cold murder by those weapon like lips,
That took the pulse of the moment
and fled on the wind,
That blew a house down,
Our house built with sticks."

That is a very powerful image! In fact, the whole poem kept me on the edge of my seat. Well done!

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

4 posted 2002-01-17 10:29 PM

Oh, this is very strong, and sad, excellent poem.
Sandra

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

5 posted 2002-01-17 11:38 PM

Wow - this is VERY well expressed! This is so powerful and clever in your use of metaphors and phrasing. The rhyme and flow and message is exceptionally well used~
This one's a keeper...I'll definately look forward to more poetry by you

Take care,
Melissa~

"Poetry is not an opinion expressed...
it is a song that rises from a bleeding
wound...or a smiling mouth"

~Kahlil Gibran~

mauddib
Member

since 2002-01-12

Posts 119
melbourne australia

6 posted 2002-01-18 02:28 PM

thanks one and all for taking and giving the time to comment, I appreciate it.
This was the epitaph to a 14yr relationship.......
ah well.
take care and God bless
pictures paint a thousand words
poems paint the soul.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

7 posted 2002-01-18 07:39 PM

The last verse is amazing! Though the poem is well done throughout..it's that last verse that punches you in the gut. Thanks for posting it.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

8 posted 2002-01-18 08:06 PM

No witness to cold murder by those weapon like lips,
That took the pulse of the moment
and fled on the wind,
That blew a house down,
Our house built with sticks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Greg, this piece is amazing with the lines above being my favourite....although the closing is great as well....
"loves' last address."

Enjoyed! Enjoyed!
~Hugs, Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So you won't ever forget me~

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