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Open Poetry #17
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I Looked Back
| Open Poetry #17 |
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I Looked Back |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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Rewrite: I looked back Dry rot ate the steps of wood All the places I had stood. Brambles pad the path and yard Abandon hangs a sad facade. Uncaring stared the moon on high Uncertain seemed the wind to sigh And silent trees laid ghostly shade Like painted Halloween brocade. Haphazard hung the cobweb frills From hollow windows empty sills And only sorrow gorged the glean Mocking me with every scene. Dissolved away in simple truth Past relics of my naive youth And queasy loads my ducts with tears And heavy grows the weight of years. The past is gone, a sad amen The bitter sweet will not again. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Superb write, I am in awe. Dissolved away in simple truth Past relics of my naive youth And queasy loads my ducts with tears And heavy grows the weight of years With this you say it all. Regards, Olias. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I've read you long enough to know all you say might not be so but still you tug this string on heart well wishes then I would impart.. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Olias, Thank you for the read and kind comment. Sunshine, Reminds me of the song "getting to know you." *L* |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Dry rot ate the steps of wood All the places I had stood. Brambles pad the path and yard Abandon hangs a sad facade. Uncaring stared the moon on high Uncertain seemed the wind to sigh And silent trees laid ghostly shade Like painted Halloween brocade. Haphazard hung the cobweb frills From hollow windows empty sills And only sorrow gorged the glean Mocking me with every scene. =================================== *smiling at Olias's awe* (and relating) You "looked back" alright thru an artist's eye for detail...and then with a poets pen you painted the vision for us with your words. Just look at the clever imagery in this... you dont have to use one single extra adjective... you dont have to use a bunch of colors or descriptive detailing words... and still you defined those vivid images for us.... thats what Im talking about.."subtle imagery" with "impact of intend" Then you wrap it all up in rhyme and cadence slip in the internal rhyme and some alliterations, then throw in an ache of emote to touch the reader..and the bow on top of this poetic gift tis those closing couplets of wisdom and heart. YEAH....Im with Olias...AWE is a good word  very very cool poem me sweet Stinky.  me I would wait till the end of time for you, |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
You sure have a way of touching the heart of your reader. Whether writing of your actual experiences or not this poem brought tears to my eyes. Magnificent writing. **hugs** Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, How can I thank you for this bouquet of words It is exactly what every poet wishes to hear. No wonder we're in love with you. Randy Stinky. Startime, Thank you so much for the five dollar word. LOL "Magnificent." *L* |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Vandana, I'm glad. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
You know, I've read a lot of your poetry but this one...has to be my favorite. It says everything in such a way that the reader will not long forget it! Thank you for this one. Kathleen |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Irish, Thank you for those kind words. |
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Contabo Member
since 2001-11-21
Posts 159 |
I think we must look back to see ahead. |
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Pell Member
since 2001-09-16
Posts 134Pacific NW |
Excellent! I enjoyed much. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Contabo, I think your right. Pell, Thank you for the excellent. |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
You look back with excellence dear poet. I felt I was right beside you...and feeling very sad. No cob webs on your writing that's for sure! Hugs to you! Sincerely, Regina It's all in the mind |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sy...this one is one of your best...  Like Satchel Paige said, "Never look back. You might see what gaining on ya!" |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Yep, I'm agreeing with the others. Awesome is a good way to describe the feelings this poem leaves me with. If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Rwood, Thank you for the sweet reply. *L* Bal, When you hand one out I am pleased. Tracey, Thank you for the awesome. |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
A very good and touching write Sy.....thanks for sharing! Nathan |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
A heart-tugger this was indeed. Sometimes the past is better left in the past, and you showed that bit of wisdom in this poem. I learned a lot from this poem today as to content needed for imagery, and I thank you for that. ~*~ Carpe' Diem ~*~ |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Nate Dogg, Nice to see you back, thanks for the nice comment and read. Mysteria, An interesting reply, thank you for the read. |
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