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Open Poetry #17
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the only path
| Open Poetry #17 |
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the only path |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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most perfectly, awaiting. Sometimes it’s echoes- amplified-- brain in sprain--- still masturbating. portending that a storm come soon; and even in the spring’s first sun— Grab the shawl? Or grab the gun? or seeing things that are not there? Voice of God? Or Mad Dog? Mercy? Or mere veil of fog? But in the timbre of a voice, a question waits in beckoning, with a metronome of choice, quiet tick of ancient’s sing: The pillars stand in black and white; the only path, beneath my feet. *repost with a disclaimer: there is a certain word I used here without sexual intent. Please consult the dictionary and read it in context before making a judgement. Thank you.*  |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
sigh...it's okay, only JM understood this one the first time around anyway.  to Janet. |
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Carol Lina Member
since 2001-11-18
Posts 94USA |
This is a powerful poem and I read fear in capital letters ??? Carolina |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
But in the timbre of a voice, a question waits in beckoning, with a metronome of choice, quiet tick of ancient’s sing: The pillars stand in black and white; the only path, beneath my feet. ==================================== "dictionary?we dont need no stinkin dictionaries"*wink* rofl I would wait till the end of time for you, |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
well, I hope that everyone looks at their dictionaries. . . well done. . . and indeed, it is that feeling that I read here. . . --------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Robert A Member
since 2001-10-29
Posts 174 |
God, I know this feeling, you read my soul!!!!!! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Serenity, Very sugestive, enjoyed the read. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
The pillars stand in black and white; the only path, beneath my feet. ...... extraordinary write, O Serene One... Regards, sudhir |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
Ah but there are gray paths that sometimes might be right. Great writing. **hugs** Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
<IMG SRC="http://www.plauder-smilies.de/remybussi.gif"><IMG SRC="http://www.plauder-smilies.de/remybussi.gif"><IMG SRC="http://www.plauder-smilies.de/remybussi.gif"> (sigh) Sometimes the right path we must take is through pain first, so in the end when we find mercy we cbecome the loving compassionate people we are born to be! (sigh) Sooooooo powerful, dearest friend, your words are always so wonderful to read! We all love you so much, sweet friend! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing! <IMG SRC="http://www.plauder-smilies.de/xmas/engel2.gif"><IMG SRC="http://www.plauder-smilies.de/xmas/engel2.gif"> May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
serenity - you write the most beautiful words, and they are magnified when you put them together... BC |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Yeah, I gotcha, even though dictionary.com gave me a link to "the top 10 most popular sites for 'masturbation'"....  What I got from the first stanza was vagueness as a method of opening your poem. Words like "sometimes" and "something", along with "certainly," that make this strange entity seem definite and yet undefinable. It's mysterious and compels the reader to move onward. Nice work on it... and good use of the word "masturbating." Even if you used it in a different context, it still gives the sexual connotation... communicating a general disgust which compliments the intended use of the word. Nicely done. The second sort of throws me off beat, because at first I didn't fully understand its connection to the first... until I realized what you were showing... I hope I'm not incorrect, but both the first and second have something to do with morality? At first, saying that a moral sense is lingering in the mind, polluting it, making it ache. And in the second, showing a moral war between fight and flight... I hope I'm not terribly off here...  Now your third stanza looks promising to me on first read, like it would provide me with answers. It's more conclusive than the other stanzas, and more definite as well. Rather than making observations about the state of ethic sense, it puts it to the test. "The pillars black and white" says a lot, and I missed it the first time around as well. On a second read, that is one of the most important lines... two decisions, two paths, and two that cannot co-exist. It's always either one or the other, black or white. And in the end, all that is said is "the only path beneath my feet..." What I draw out of this poem as a whole is the statement that our conscience, and decisions that we must make, dwell in our mind, and at times can be harmful to us... followed by the conflict that decision-making provides in situations where critical thinking is necessary. And finally, that one choice must always be made, and is made in the last line without specification. I'd love to critique, Serenity, but this doesn't look like the kind of poem I'd want to touch... there's more in here than I would care to ever taint with my rules and regulations... Structurally, this is everything it needs to be.Another success, Serenity, and a poem that made me think. Much thanks. ~Allan |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks all, and omigod Allan!  sorry about that, I still use an old fashioned Webster's Collegiate! No pics in there either...This was one I was surprised to see pop up again. I thank you all for your kindness and as always Allan, you are a careful reader. Sometimes you almost frighten me with your insightfulness! Hugs. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
this was very deep and insightful Seren. You chose your words to add the impact so well. Thanks, I enjoyed. On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
I admire your courage to post your mind, or what I call to be becoming naked on the screen. I enjoyed the read very much. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
GS, vandana and Opeth, came back to express my gratitude, and Allan? the black and white pillars are a Biblical reference to the pillars outside of the temple. Jachim and Boaz...so there IS a third choice, grin... the Middle path! |
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