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GenXer
Senior Member

since 2001-12-15

Posts 583
USA

0 posted 2001-12-27 11:59 PM

We come at each other
with lances in hand,
We collide, and on our
broken backs is where we land

Twenty paces of bliss
and then we turn to shoot
But to the victor
comes only spoiled fruit

Back for more with a
shiny apple on my head
You then fire your arrow
and leave me for dead

Your tongue gives me
forty lashings to my back
I try to appear tough and
get through another attack

I come back with my
heart in a bear trap
Hoping you’ll take the bait,
and watch you helplessly flap

But how often can we release
the lions on each other,
and walk this fine line
between foe and lover

For in the end, a pool of
red tears is where we’ll lay
All from the deadly games
we so often play

© David 2001

[This message has been edited by GenXer (12-28-2001 12:15 AM).]

ecrivan
Member Elite

since 2001-12-10

Posts 3923
my own state

1 posted 2001-12-28 12:08 PM

like "In The Name of the Rose" the movie of heightened moments of extreme hate..this is what your poem reminds me of..oh my goodness
I can't see you swinging from chandeliers, lol. Look at the 4th to last stanza, there should be a to, in I try to appear tough

well done composition!

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

2 posted 2001-12-28 12:11 PM

But how often can we release
the lions on each other,
and walk this fine line
between foe and lover

Took a bit for me to see where you were going with this but then a lightbulb! I relate to much you've written here.

GenXer
Senior Member

since 2001-12-15

Posts 583
USA

3 posted 2001-12-28 12:17 PM

Martin, Duncan - Thanks both for reading.

Martin - I knew there was a mistake in there somewhere. This is an old post from MT, and I remembered someone pointing out the same thing you did. I just couldn't remember exactly where it was. Thanks for the help.

Dave

[This message has been edited by GenXer (12-28-2001 12:19 AM).]

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

4 posted 2001-12-28 02:02 AM

Very well done. Tongue lashings and verbal duels are not a good way to maintain a love relationship.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

5 posted 2001-12-28 02:05 AM

GenXer,
Well, too much truth in this poem. I know how it ends...well done.

NapalmsConstantlyConfused

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 529

6 posted 2001-12-28 05:01 AM

too true.
as much as i hate to admit it, sometimes the direct approach ISN'T the best way to solve things.
sometimes it can hurt people.
that's no good.
but this poem is.
ok then.
-Dave

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

7 posted 2001-12-28 07:10 AM

Hey its the War of the Roses all over again. Good poem!
Keth

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

8 posted 2001-12-28 07:38 AM

I try to take the Gandhi approach, but I'm not always successful. When Lorelei points out my mistakes (of which there are many), I feel like crawling under the bed.

Virgo_Rains
Member

since 2001-12-03

Posts 54
Pacific Northwest, U.S.A.

9 posted 2001-12-28 11:01 AM

Oh..Good Job..When a poem can trigger memories and emotions from the reader..it is one to remember..You have done that well! Bravo!

VR

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

10 posted 2001-12-28 03:06 PM

I remember these kind of days all to well....You write it so well. *s*

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

(I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance~Garth)

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

11 posted 2001-12-28 04:59 PM

Excellent write...I enjoyed this! Hugs.

*~ Wishing everyone a New Year filled with Peace & Love ~*

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

12 posted 2001-12-28 10:11 PM

A very beautifully written and true to life poem, Dave.
Was it which one is from Michigan and which one from NY? and were they arguing about which state has the best pizza? LOL
If they were, then you know who won that argument!

copyright2001 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

amusemi
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1262
A State of Disarray

13 posted 2001-12-28 10:18 PM

A total flashback piece taking my mind to one of those insane relationships I am SO glad I no longer have!!! Slendid job.

P.S. I love your "Constructive Critiques" line!! I'm not lying.

N orth Carolina Girl
Senior Member

since 2001-12-04

Posts 962
NC,USA

14 posted 2001-12-29 11:08 AM

Dave,I think they should have fought with smiles.

Great job friend!

Juanita

"always have a smile on your face it makes people wonder what you`re up to:

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

15 posted 2001-12-29 12:07 PM

*sigh* I remember well these kind of days and years. Why can we not be kinder to those we love....someday they may not be able to forgive the pain inflicted. This poem brought to life much pain. Very powerful in all its content and message. **hugs**

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

GenXer
Senior Member

since 2001-12-15

Posts 583
USA

16 posted 2001-12-29 03:39 PM

Thanks to all who have read this.

Amusemi - You are the first one to comment on that.  Now my question to you, are you lying about liking my "Constructive Critques Line." lol

Lyra - If it was between MI and NY, it would be a draw for I love both of these states so much.  Okay, I'm lying, NY would kick MI's but.lol

Thanks again, everyone.

Dave

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