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Open Poetry #17
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Whispers To The Wind
| Open Poetry #17 |
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Whispers To The Wind |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now 
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“WHISPERS TO THE WIND” by Bill Charles ~~~~ The loneliness of my voice speaks in whispers to the wind, and if you listen you will hear it sigh, with despair… My voice like a ghost without peace, with heart wrenching words of sadness, tender ones with passion, a love gone, never to return… The wind I feel on my face, but they are my words, as I hear them come from within the depths of me, not knowing from where… Only the wind knows my spoken thoughts, listening, luring me into its vortex, then releasing my thoughts, as whispers to the wind… ~~~~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Bill Charles - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
The wind sends a gentle caress with a secret to share A tender thought does it express to release from despair The wind sends a wish for New Years to put joy in your heart A kiss to wipe away the tears soft arms to do their part My wish to your heart, sweet man, is that love will be granted to you, that your heart will be soothed and filled with joy, tenderness and compassion. This is truly a righteous wish for one as loving as you are. **big hugs** Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Bill darling boy this is utterly outstanding. Your flow and rhythm in this is awesome. Do I love this? Is the Pope catholic? Truly fabulous writing.    Love and warm stuff As always Mushy To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace St John ch2 v1 |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
May loves joy touch you Forever touching your heart With loving comfort  (big hugggssssss) Oh Bill, this is so very sad but so beautiful, my heart goes out to you! (sad sigh) You deserve the most beautiful love, for your golden heart shimmers with love to us always, and we all love you so very much! (sigh) He is preparing the most beautiful love for you, sweet friend, always believe in your heart and all your dreams will come true! (sigh) My heart is always with you, dearest friend! (big hugggssssss) You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Bill, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Ah Bill...such a sad and lonely write. ~Hugs sweet and gentle man~ *~ Wishing you all a magical Christmas ~* |
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thepoeticplumber Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 185 |
It was a sad and moving poem. I could feel the wind on you as I read. Very moving and well written. So sad and so good. Roger |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
BC...you write beautifully sad words...with great feeling in each poem you write... I can only hope you don't have to experience all of the loneliness that this poem seems to have within it...You deserve much more than that... Nicely done... |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Bill: You've captured the mood so very well. This is such a good write! |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Billl, this is so very beautiful, seems we both move against the wind, you whisper into it and I scream at it, neither appears to be successful. *HuGS* Keth Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Bill, this is one of my favorites so far. I always think of that line,"whispers on the wind", but never wrote something so good to go with it! Seems so sad though. I know the feeling. Peace Sandra |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hey, Bill... I see this critique flag and it just grabs me, you know?  Forgive me for getting a bit critical here then...Well overall in this poem, you're doing something with your line separations, it seems like you didn't take enough care as to where you made one line end and the other begin. Each line seems to drip into the next, sort of... was this for visual structure? I felt that could have been worked on a little bit. In your first stanza you bring in the title of the poem, a little early maybe? I like this stanza though, don't get me wrong... it sets a good ground for expansion, gives a lot of room for growth later into the poem. What I saw here was just a general feeling of loneliness, like you speak but there's nobody to speak to. "If you listen" puts responsibility onto the reader, injects the need to sort of pay attention. Makes the reader sort of feel obliged to read onward, I like that, how you incorporate the reader into your feelings, into your situation... it works great with the tone of the poem. "My voice like a ghost without peace." LOVING this similie, Bill. I felt that this was really well thought-out and delivered. You focus an entire stanza on this similie, and extension of it, and adore I that... it works incredibly well in your poem. The ghost similie makes your words and feelings seem ethereal, like something unseen or not believed by most, completely misunderstood and feared by others. That nobody can ever relate to your voice, or revive it from the dead to be the same as it once was. Just perfect. Your next one puts more onto you than it does on the reader or your voice. This shows great organization, first you address the reader directly, then the voice, and then yourself... great organization here. However, I think "but they are my words" reveals too much, in a way? You could have gone without giving that away, and let the reader make that assumption for themselves. Although, either way, it works out fine in the end. It's just another option. The whole stanza discusses your inner confusion, and I'm curious... is this to say that you need someone to listen, to help you find where your words are coming from? Characterizing the wind in the last stanza does a lot in the poem's favour. You go along with the theme you already developed, focusing a stanza each on an entity. This time you pick the entity of the wind. Wonderful closure here... you make it as a preadator suddenly, something that sucks you into its "vortex." Like some sort of being that listens to you but, in the end, does you no good at all. You make the "wind" into an imaginary friend of sorts... Overall Bill, I didn't realize the depth to this poem until I started looking into it. There's not much at the surface but, deeper into the poem, a lot is stored here. How do you do it? It's nice to see poetry that so deeply reflects the poet's inner feelings, and with such unique talent as well... you don't have a hint of meter in here, but it flows... no rhyme, but it sounds clever still. A fascinating piece, and although I had a few critiques to make, I won't let it deter me from the fact that I like this poem a great deal... Until next. ~Allan [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (12-22-2001 02:31 PM).] |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
beautiful, moved my heart deeply. Thank you so much for sharing ((hugs)) Charisma ~*Theresia~* |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
My voice like a ghost without peace, with heart wrenching words of sadness, tender ones with passion, a love gone, never to return" I cant possibly put into words the feeling of this poem.....sadly, but beautifully done Bill.... Lauren~ Tomorrow's another day |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Bill, Such a haunting write. You express the mood so very well. I enjoyed. Hugs, Tara "My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read" |
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kitkat Senior Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 878Nova Scotia |
Very haunting the wind can be. I wonder though---can the voice we hear not be our own but that of another who feels the same? kitkat -------------- |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
well. . . Allan said it pretty well BC. . . so, I won't further the comments. . . all I'll say is. . . the wind listens. . . be well my friend. . . ------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
To All - I thank you all for the warm responses to this writing. It is one of my favorites.. A very Merry Christmas to you and yours, from me, to all of you... |
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