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Open Poetry #17
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A Wolf Howls: "Freedom"
| Open Poetry #17 |
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A Wolf Howls: "Freedom" |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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no herb within field's yield-- there is no path cut through dark wood where even my breath is surreal. that shines inspite of sun's demise! A howling wolf of tarnished spoon, no longer can assuage my cries. (how could I be so omen-blind?) There is no detour from the pain; A pendulum, in swing? I lied. that is how forward I will swing. Distance only hampered by the length of cut of string. (methinks you harness angry cloud) trying to stop the earth from turn. Should you succeed? The sun won't burn... No light will give end to your night-- the pendulum cannot return. to be whomever I might be. For all you do? Imprisons you-- thus I petition sweet release. Since you have said that it is so. Let my life begin again... YES. Let my children go... |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Nice... very nice...! Good concept, I wrote a poem on the same topic a while ago. I like the bold and italics. One thing I have to be nitpicky about is the meter. Yes, yes, I know, no matter how many times I say it, I never stop saying it! You had a great meter scheme for a while until you started making tenses that were hard to say metrically. That's fine though, I picked up on the meter and was disappointed when it ended. Maybe there was no scheme after all? It is a mystery.  Content-wise, you did a good job not overflowing the poem with metaphors and symbols. You focused mostly on the pendulum, by putting it at the end of a few stanzas. That was good, that you kept it simple while still of high quality. The tone, as usual... cryptic, powerful... this sort of tone makes the reader listen attentively to what the poet is saying. It kept my eyes fixated while I read. Kudos, Serenity. ~Allan "I know it's nice to be known - It caresses your ego - but the society cost is terrible." ~Vangelis [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 12-05-2001).] |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
serenity, this is powerful and reminescent of "the moving finger writes and having writ moves on. Well done! Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Yet even movement's disallowed (methinks you harness angry cloud) trying to stop the earth from turn. Should you succeed? The sun won't burn... No light will give end to your night-- the pendulum cannot return. ======================================= jeeze girl..that is deep... this whole poem is so deep. that verse just makes me shake my head, there so much here to read into...to explore much like you are doing in the self discoveries this speaks of. Your poetry is taking on new levels...new maturity ... new vision.... and considering the level you were already writing at? WHEW...Im getting a nose bleed just being up here  awesome write KA!!  me |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Serenity, I'll go along with JM on this one and you reach deep into the well for it. *L* |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
wow....completely speechless.....keeping this to read again and again.... |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) Oh my gosh, your heart and wisdom shines in all your wonderful works, I am speechless! (sigh) We are all here for you when you need someone to hear your cries, for love too is like a pendulum, which will cradle its motion with a smile! (sigh) Sooooooo powerful, I love it, sweet friend! (kiss on cheek) You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
"Freedom!!!!!!" Kathleen (Kay) |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I finished reading with just one thought... a "WOW!!!!" exhaled as I finally caught my breath. *S* This is excellent, serenity! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Allan, no scheme, my friend, just me off on another tangent. But thank you for the genuine critique---it's much appreciated. (I'm missing Kamla very much these days.) Hugs to you, and hey! e mail me? I forgot your icq name...(me forgets alot I fear) Love, hugs, and gratitude! Keth? I'm impressed when you're impressed. Nuff said. So glad to see your name in the blue pages again! Thank you! Janet...just playing around with different styles again...I have to, as I get bored with myself...(no comments from the gallery, lol) Hugs and e mails later!  sy--Thank you, for reading and for being the gracious gentleman poet that you are!  SEA...always am glad to know that you've read...thanks for popping in! Sweet Noah...I'm happy that you cheered up. Thanks for reading and I hope all remains well with you. Kay? Oh yes...although sometimes it's hard to appreciate when you've got it---it sure stings when it's gone. Thanks for echoing the cry of "freedom" for me! suthern...hey gal, I sure hope you stick around! I am off to re-read YOURS now...it's incredible! Love to all, with gratitude, and thanks to all for their patience with me, as the forums ARE moving quickly these days...and, poetry should not be rushed....sort of like letting chocolate melt in your mouth and sipping champagne...grin... now back to the show! |
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The Rusty Knight Member
since 2001-08-29
Posts 414Texas |
I love poems that make me reread them several times and each time you see something new. Layer after layer until you think you have them all. This is one of those poems. Dan Death comes not when we cease to breathe, but when we cease to dream. |
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