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Open Poetry #17
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too many words
| Open Poetry #17 |
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too many words |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Into doubt enter I... as if I ever tried to try. uncertainty oh hear me cry whimpering between my sighs... into my breath exhaling Lethe, I wish baptismal of forget. I wish a silent stair of step, amidst the cloud of no regret. Purple swirls, and white within, hypnotic with the Gods of whim... and Goddesses they all stand back and laugh at prayer-- laugh at lack... illusion in a spoon, beheld distorted vision--glimpse of hell, picture puzzle pieces posed-- cut of edge too close to know... Hear the hoot of owl in screech? shadow'd wing of moon in breech... too little, would be too absurd... too much? I write, too many words. [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 12-03-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
I liked this, Had a nice flow, You break from it at the end, Just before the final couplet, That section reminds me of “She drove herself to madness with a Silver spoon” I hope it’s not a too appropriate reference. Gloom |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
serenity, not too many words and all of them perfect. Keth Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Serenity! I have to say that this poem really impressed me, completely! The flow was hauntingly perfect, the words and the way you put them together... well, that's poetry, I suppose.  I loved the repetition in the way you began some lines, and then ended them differently. (?) That's as simple as I can put it, lol. I wish baptismal of forget. I wish a silent stair of step, amidst the cloud of no regret. Loved that part. Oh, and the imagery towards the end, that's a very unique way to end a piece. Most partial imagery in poetry is towards the start, not the end, like you did in this one. How delightfully creative. High praise to you on this poem, Serenity. It is obviously from the heart, and yet skillfully written. Very, very nice work.  Until next time, ~Allan "I know it's nice to be known - It caresses your ego - but the society cost is terrible." |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Serenity, An excellent write. A keeper. *L* |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
never too many, never so, O Serene One I wish a silent stair of step, amidst the cloud of no regret WOW regards, sudhir |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Too many? Too few? Who's to say? Only you! Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
into my breath exhaling Lethe, I wish baptismal of forget. I wish a silent stair of step, amidst the cloud of no regret. Purple swirls, and white within, hypnotic with the Gods of whim... and Goddesses they all stand back and laugh at prayer-- laugh at lack... illusion in a spoon, beheld distorted vision--glimpse of hell, picture puzzle pieces posed-- cut of edge too close to know... Hear the hoot of owl in screech? shadow'd wing of moon in breech... too little, would be too absurd... too much? I write, too many words. ===================================== shadow'd wing of moon in breech... only YOU could come up with a rhyme and image that damn cool ... good gawwd I love the way you rhyme... TOO MANY WORDS???? Not ever baby....and dont ya dare stop... Id have to walk there on me lips if ya did  You blew me away with the metaphors and imagery in this...as well as the aching honesty of the poems emote and confess... the depth of your expressions touch places deep very very cool poem KA...SO YOU.  he said ... "dont cry" ... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Karen, Everything JM said and more! Excellent write! Never enough words to describe your creative works. ~hugs, Nancy~ "A dream is a wish your heart makes..." |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
Beautifully done! like it a lot! Charisma ~*Theresia~* |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
serenity - but you do not write too many words. Your writings are excellant, and are of messages to be read... BC |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Karen, your gorgeous visions and expressions can never have too many words, for they are always so dazzling, and there are never enough good words to say about them all, for they are all so breathtakingly beautiful! (smiles) Your words are outstanding, they never cease to amaze me! (kiss on cheek) BRAVO!!! I love you, sweet friend! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoy |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Prof...My spoons have retired. Don't need much help to drive myself to madness these days...Thank you, dear one! Keth...thank you sweet friend, it's so good to have you back home again! Allan...have I ever told you that I find you adorable when you worship me properly? ROFLMAO.....We must write again soon, I learn much from you yanno. Thank you. Sy...finally I can give something back to YOU. That makes me smile too. Sudhir? One "WOW" from you is worth ten thousand words. I thank you my friend. Interloper? You have not interloped my way in some time *pout* and ---thanks for letting me know you dropped in! JM....I'm gonna be on the e-mail express soon, (losing my service again, sigh) What does a girl have to do to get service around here? (and? lol...guys? you can consider that a poetic challenge!) rofl...love you my twin! Enchantress...we DO have to talk, methinks we've much in common! I thank you, as always for being here for me. You are SO sweet! Charisma? I have missed you as well...thank you for reading, with Hugs, adorable one! Bill? you are another happy surprise...I feel like it's a family reunion! (pssst...music issue should be out soon too!) Thanks for reading sweetie! Sweet Noah! I'm so pleased to find you in better spirit---I was worried about you....don't make me come typing after you now....remember, "keep your head down and keep typing..." HUGS, angelheart! vandana...I enjoy your "enjoyment." Thank you. and a back to you!Thanks all...you warm my heart with your gracious generosity! Love you!  |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Ah, my friend...my words have been stole by all the others before me, so I'll sum it up in one crass word --- D I T T O!! jwesley |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
hey j...have missed you too! and pssst...guess what it's that time of the year...we will hardly have time to pack up xmas and then? Mardi Gras madness begins... you should come home now and again, yes? Thanks for reading. and hey...with hugs...now DITTO THAT...GRIN |
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