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The Lady of Shallot
Senior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 818
USA

0 posted 2001-10-05 12:01 PM


(forgive my ramblings, I'm just weeping today through my words)

My Darling,

There are so many parts of myself
no one ever touched. By choice,
or simply holding back, and I take
responsibility for closing them off.
Maybe vulnerability to hurt, and
pain.
Yet, in knowing you I have seemed to
feel
a gust of emotion,
experiencing
much
joy. It doesn't seem to
matter what I tell you, you always respond
with
kindness.
I want
you to see yourself the
way I
see you. The way my heart
sees you.

I never considered myself a high
maintenance
friend,
just someone who only wants
a
kind word, or maybe a phone
call, you know to let me know someone
cares. That’s what you have given me.

That's not why I love you though

Not for those “things” you give me. The
tangible
things such as the
wonderful Christmas present I received.
Not for the times I needed a shoulder to
cry
on, and although it wasn't
a physical shoulder it still felt awfully
strong to me. When I was
crying at work because I didn't want to
freeze
to prove something to
someone, myself maybe, I don't know.
It all seemed so simple when you said "If
you
don't want to be there,
leave!"

That's not why I love you though
I remember one Lucy episode where Lucy had
pretended to be the Princess
of Franistan,
and Ricky fell for it, and sang every song
he
ever sang and she listened
to them. He figured out who she and told her,
"who
else would listen to me
sing for so long?"

No one except you, has read or taken the time
to
read every poem I have
written, or kept every letter I've written when
I
know you have work to do,
meetings to attend,
people who are working for you.

That's not why I love you though.

One day my world came to an end
and I returned home…alone.
I was alone and it was so final, so very final.
I think it was around 9:30 or so,
and
the phone rang. I knew, I
knew before I even picked it up who it
was. I
was filled with comfort. More than being in a
room
of comfort, it was a
comfort from within. Beyond miles, beyond
anything you can explain, or
can  to explain, because I can't explain
it.
But you simply took the
time to make the contact, when I was dying
inside. When I know, and it
was much more important that I should be
consoling you with everything
else you were going through at the time.

That's not why I love you though.

Most women want to be rescued, you know a
knight in shining armor and
all that. Sure sounds romantic at least
most feel that way.
No one had ever rescued me in my entire life.
Maybe I didn't let them, but there were
times I
needed rescuing. Times
when I didn't know which way to turn, or
what
to do. Times when I
thought "I'm just not good enough" or "I
have
to prove this" and I
wasn't doing what I wanted, no, I
was
doing what I thought
everyone else wanted. I have been so hard
on
myself, so demanding or my
time, my energies,
in making everyone else happy I completely
forgot who I was, and why I
exist.

You think I rescued you I bet don't you!
From emotional loneliness, feeling as if
you  have done all you can and it simply isn't
good
enough. Feeling as if
you're drowning and no one is reaching in.
Living one day to the next
with fear sitting, mocking you, just
waiting
for you to make that one
monumental mistake and it will all be
over!!!

Yet, with humor, care, understanding, and
support you somehow reached in and without
being condescending, for you
could never be that, without being
insensitive,
because you could never
be that either, you seem to know exactly
what
to say.

I like to think I can take a joke! I do
have a
sense of humor. I was
laughing earlier thinking about how you
would
reach for my arms and say
"my, my have we been working out?"
Actually I’m giggling now thinking of it
picturing it in my mind, to me
it is so funny and loving. That's just
how
it would occur too,
wouldn't it?
It warms me, makes me smile and gives me
something to look forward to.
I smile thinking of being backed up
against a
wall and not being at all
afraid, but loving every minute it,
savoring
and teasing you to no
end. Gives me something to look forward
to.
Feeling your touch...

That's not why I love you though.

I believe that God wept for
me,
one day when I was sitting under a tree, a
grown
woman, upset because
someone had torn every emotion from my
heart
and upon offering
friendship was made to feel less than
human.
I said "never again!!
Well, you said "if you have your purse
stolen
downtown, are you never
going to go downtown again?"
"Don't be an emotional cripple" you said.

Thank God for you.
That's not why I love you though

I love you because you are a gift from God
and
he never gives anything
unworthy, or anything or anyone who isn't
loving, kind, decent, and
uplifting. He never gives hurt, pain,
sorrow,
or sadness.

Thank God I had the good sense to receive
it
and not question why, how,
when what and if.
You are a gift who gives roses with no
thorns,
holds me like a trellis holds a vine and
supports
without choking the life out of me, gives
me
sunlight even in rain, and keeps the tides
from flooding me and drowning me.

You have not only opened an account in my
heart
and paid dividends beyond measure, but due
to
your ability with numbers you have somehow
managed to work out the one problem no one
else
could. The problem of "knowing me"
and
letting me know I am ok,
"I did problems" you told your parents.
Yes you did, and you are still solving
problems,
still working magic with numbers and
keeping
the
titanic afloat.
Fragile doesn't even begin to describe how
I
felt
when I reached out to you. Fragile and
guarded,
but oh, not for long. No, you cannot keep
me
quiet as you can tell.
The woman you wanted, if that
woman
is
indeed myself, was already created, she was
merely sleeping, merely waiting to be
awakened.

And so, , be careful what you
wish
for, what you pray for! You just may
receive
it,
only you just won't understand the entire
picture
until it is completely finished. Like all
beautiful pictures
some become more priceless with time, and I
don't
know God's timetable...but as a lover of
clocks
don't wind us. We won't run on batteries,
and
there is no second hand.
Only four very loving hands that will some
day
touch.....
and hold onto their gift...

that's why I love you because you are a
gift......






[This message has been edited by The Lady of Shallot (edited 10-05-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 The Lady of Shallot - All Rights Reserved
sunshinemist
Senior Member
since 2001-09-29
Posts 595
Fl. sunshines early mist
1 posted 2001-10-05 12:13 PM


A very Lovely write! Much wisdom in your words. God does know that time.

Enjoyed,
~Marie~

Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
2 posted 2001-10-05 12:17 PM


This is absolutely precious. I loved the words about God's gifts to us and how He would never give us a "bad" gift, but only the best. Well done here, Lady.

God bless America, my home sweet home.

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
3 posted 2001-10-05 01:05 PM


Wow - Lady - You really poured your heart into this.  I sincerely hope that the person to whom it is directed reads this and realizes what a gift they have given you.
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
4 posted 2001-10-05 03:42 PM


BEAUTIFULLY PENNED!!!

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So that you won't ever forget me.~
  

The Lady of Shallot
Senior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 818
USA
5 posted 2001-10-05 03:47 PM


Sunshine mist: thank you, I hesitated in posting this, I thought it silly but it's from my heart to a man who gave me so much love in such a short time.

Elizabeth: Yes, a good gift always comes from God, thank you for reading.

Long John: He did and he knew. Thank you for reading.

Enchantress: I appreciate your words! Thank you.


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
6 posted 2001-10-05 05:46 PM


Lady I was amazed that my heart wanted this love letter to keep going on and on...a pleasure to read...James
Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
7 posted 2001-10-05 09:25 PM


wow. . . just like the name that you bear. . . your heart is open and free. . .

love is a gift. . . but who gives it??  some would say it is given to us. . . but, I feel that we give it to ourselves. . .

well done. . . just wonderful. . .  

---------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

The Lady of Shallot
Senior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 818
USA
8 posted 2001-10-18 06:41 PM


James Michael,
Sven,
thank you sirs for replying.

-befriend yourself and you will never be alone-
Anna

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