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Open Poetry #16
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Verge of Darkness
| Open Poetry #16 |
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Verge of Darkness |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Soft light, the beams of day before the night, Purple orange yellow red colors paint skies, Daydreams explore all the actions that might, With exit of fire globe leaves just sighs. To turn to the darkest that still remains Still watch as chill breeze nudge the restless clouds, That reluctantly gives up Sun’s red stain, There on the horizon a floating crowd. Streetlights, pale starlight and a hunter’s moon Shadows and shades returning reclaiming, Clatter and clamor the under sung tune, Darkness with dark lusting not restraining. ~ Will I see the morrow’s sun once more rise, ~ Or fall victim to fate’s nightly surprise. Gloom |
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| © Copyright 2001 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Morning Gloom... troubled by this one in a way... your usually tight form and word usage a bit lax here and while I enjoyed the read, found myself wanting to edit and reword which believe me is unusual when I read your works... Hope you don't mind my being honest... I just found this one loose compared to your usual style and form... like it needed another round of tightening.. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I hope this stays at the top all day. It will certainly gather no dust in my library. |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Cpat Hair, Troubled? The tight style missing? Perhaps due to the Shakespeare Influence, Which is why I specified the nature of the Poem’s Source. I might return to tighten later with a different style. Thank you, Sunshine, Glad you liked it, But this will probably sink rather quickly As my poems usually do. Gloom |
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The Lady of Shallot Senior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 818USA |
oh yes!!! |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Gloom... Being stupid as I can be..I didn't see the reference to style... I just read the work. I am by my own admission no expert on sonnets of any sort...and had I been a bit more observent not commented as I did. I opened expecting your tight well woven style...and read it with those expectations. My apologies for what are inappropriate commentary on a style I truly am not qualified to judge.. |
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Twilight Myst Member
since 2001-10-04
Posts 58Just A Myst At Twilight |
Ohhh, I love this and is one I'll be coming back to often!! Bravo, Gloom... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Prof, Enjoyed the read. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
inspired a sonnet out of me...thank you In dismal darkness churns the soul each night, As shadowed moon beclouds the stars in skies. Each trailing dream, in search for trace of light To end in peaceful sleep, absent of sighs. To vanish, only teardrops left, remain, Drying taut from a gentle breeze in flow, To face another judgement filled with pain As morning light horizons mask their show. When earth and sky comes to the meet of day Returning hope, for in it's certainty That each tomorrow comes without delay. Share the findings, those missing parts of me. As I fall victim, sacrificed once more To thoughts of long ago, in days of yore. ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Lady of Shallot, Cpat, No apologies needed, Your observation was correct in the looseness, I prefer honest comments, Yours was welcome, and taken in a friendly manner. Thank you, Twilight Myst I am glad you liked my words Thank you, Seymour, Pleased you enjoyed. Gloom |
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