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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2001-10-01 03:29 PM

Don't tell.
Don't tell.
Don't tell, they said.
And so I didn't until now.
But even as I type the tears
I still feel the fear somehow.

Shame be the measure of the rule.
Laughter the applause of fool.
Sympathy becomes too cruel---
who would want to take this bow?

But I told, told everything...
twisting my engagement ring
as I spoke I looked away
and finally done, I saw his gaze.

I just had to see his eyes,
convinced that I would read "goodbye"
I was amazed to see him cry--
and say: "You WILL see better days."

I put my finger to his lips
and replied "don't promise this--
for vows are but a Judas kiss,
and now I'll watch you go away..."

He took my hand. He kissed my palm.
He swore that he would not do harm.
He said I should not be alarmed
and replied with comfort's calm:

"Circle the wagons, if you must.
I will wait. I'll win your trust.
As the tin man in the rain
in frozen rust of statued pain
in diligence, shall I remain
until I see you smile again."

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2001-10-01 03:34 PM

indeed... circled wagons and tin mans rusted freeze are good images.. nicely done...

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

2 posted 2001-10-01 03:39 PM

Bravo! Now, that's my knid of man! And you're my kind of poet! Well done, indeed.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-10-01 03:40 PM

He took my hand. He kissed my palm.
He swore that he would not do harm.
He said I should not be alarmed
and replied with comfort's calm:

"Circle the wagons, if you must.
I will wait. I'll win your trust.
As the tin man in the rain
in frozen rust of statued pain
in diligence, shall I remain
until I see you smile again."
=====================================

You KNOW Im smiling WITH you ...right?
nothing like a man on a mission...........
hugs baby....
*skips out of room singing* ....

"no more tears...left to hide...
we have made it thru a long and lonely night...
Better Days ... are on our side ...
well it looks as though we're doing something right"

SmittenKitten
Senior Member

since 2001-06-20

Posts 1131
where the sky and horizon meet

4 posted 2001-10-01 03:45 PM

Serenity~ This touches me beyond words.

Hugs,
~Krista

Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself.
Thank you for having the courage to share yourself so that I can too

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

5 posted 2001-10-01 07:59 PM

you know that I like this one. . .

totally you. ... always. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

6 posted 2001-10-01 08:16 PM

Smiling....this is wonderful dear.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

7 posted 2001-10-01 08:50 PM

actions always speak louder than words...many good lines here, serene one

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

8 posted 2001-10-01 08:57 PM

I really love this...too many good lines to try to pick one or two. Enjoyed!! ~Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So that you won't ever forget me.~

sunshinemist
Senior Member

since 2001-09-29

Posts 595
Fl. sunshines early mist

9 posted 2001-10-01 08:57 PM

Very lovely! Enjoyed. ~Marie~

Tracey
Member Elite

since 2001-08-29

Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding

10 posted 2001-10-01 10:24 PM

Oh my, what an amazing write. You have such a way with words. I'm left speechless. May there be a happy ending here

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

11 posted 2001-10-02 09:11 AM

I wanted to thank you all for your kindness and generosity...as always, you guys are great therapy! Love to you all, and thanks again!

bonnie1961
Junior Member

since 2001-09-30

Posts 44
ny, usa

12 posted 2001-10-02 08:12 PM

very, very good. thank you

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

13 posted 2001-10-02 09:26 PM

Karen, darling, this is simply WONderful!

The first stanza is killer!  It sucks me in completely and traps me inside your mood and tempo, absolutely fabulous.   The last two lines of the stanza are superb, "But even as I type the tears I still feel the fear somehow."  Powerfully written, powerfully presented.

Your rhyme scheme is exciting, too!  Very subtle, very cool.  Did I ever mention that I love how you incorporate dialogue into your writing?  I will, one of these days.

And the last stanza, metaphor filled til the end!  EXCELLENT!  I can rightly call this one of my favorites.

Love ya, keep it up...me

You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. -- Navajo Proverb

BloomingRose
Member Elite

since 2000-08-09

Posts 3092
Florida

14 posted 2001-10-03 09:36 AM

"Circle the wagons, if you must.
I will wait. I'll win your trust.
As the tin man in the rain
in frozen rust of statued pain
in diligence, shall I remain
until I see you smile again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow...I call this true love. I have a feeling this kind of devotion could stand the test of time.
This is a really good poem.

Deb

CocoBaci
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 3043

15 posted 2001-10-04 12:16 PM

I put my finger to his lips
and replied "don't promise this--
for vows are but a Judas kiss,
and now I'll watch you go away..."

Serenity, I'm so pleased I got a chance to read this poem your expression is truly magnificient!

Hugs2uSweetPoetFriend
*~coco~*

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

16 posted 2001-10-04 12:18 PM

Very well done, Serene one...

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