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Open Poetry #16

intent

JamesBowie
Member

since 2000-11-25

Posts 252
big old Bangor Maine up by the shack

0 posted 2001-11-08 10:23 PM

with dead even hands
he grips her pale arms
the leaves crackle beneath
her motionless hips
then the sky falls hard
across her rainbow
shutting out the light
of what was a promising life

Lucie
Senior Member

since 1999-06-20

Posts 1077
Houston

1 posted 2001-11-09 01:29 PM

I don't mean to be rude.. but.. Ughhh.. ummm this gave me yucky bumps all up and down my spine.. Not sure thats the effect you meant to have on the reader.. but then again.. if it was.. job well done!

Remember me with a smile on your face, or please don't remember me at all.

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

2 posted 2001-11-09 08:23 PM

This says a lot....I am not sure which way
to take it....either about a tree losing
its leaves from the winter or of a person
who is dead, lying on the ground, being picked up.

JamesBowie
Member

since 2000-11-25

Posts 252
big old Bangor Maine up by the shack

3 posted 2001-11-09 10:41 PM

It is about a murder. So yes the effect was intended. thanks J

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