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Open Poetry #16
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Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2001-11-06 12:57 PM


They dance with bright fire burning,
Swirling in arms captured in eyes,
They dance while the others yearning,
Desire in escaping sighs
Following the two in turning.

Gloom
This poem is written as a
Quintella
This is a Spanish form of eight syllables
The rhyming scheme can very in presentation i.e.
a.b.a.b.a or,  a.b.b.a.a. etc
but only two consecutive lines may have the same rhyme scheme,
Not three in a row.  I used the first format style,
Since it had a swirling motion to the pattern.




© Copyright 2001 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2001-11-06 01:19 PM


And you my friend, are an interesting writer.
Thanks much for the explanation!!!! Now...do a Fandango!!!! evil grin me

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2001-11-06 01:23 PM


I love it when someone gives me a poetry lesson as well as an excellent poem. Thanks!
Yes, it does have a swirling effect.

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
3 posted 2001-11-06 01:26 PM


Fandango?
Strikes a memory cord of mine
a poem wrote many years ago
Thank you Serenity for bringing it to mind
Reposted here for you.

Fandango
by a pervious self


The darkness was settling in,
And the long shadows stretched  across the driveway,
I was waiting with a pot of tea and a grin,
Happy to see you at the end of your day.

You meet me at the steps and smile,
Watching the sun setting over the rooftops,
And then we stay a little while,
Watching as stars from dimness pops.

Dinner awaits inside,
And the troubles of your day
You attempt to hide,
As “it’s nothing’ you say,
When I comment on troubles,
“Wash away with Champagne
And their many bubbles
Tickle away the pain.”

You giggle a bit,
Whether from the wine,
Or my clever wit,
Another glass you decline.

We dance through
Swirling into one and another,
Me here to do,
Separate yet together,

Yet passing, and in passing
We take a pause,
A pause softly kissing,
A pause,

I take your glass
And adjust the light,
Touch you as I pass,
Leaving you to read into the night.

Deep within the sheets,
I sleep,
Till you touch me in your coming to bed,
The next, is better left unsaid.
Except for a lover,
Undercover

Thank you, Midnitesun,
Glad you enjoyed the swirl of words.

Gloom

[This message has been edited by Professor Gloom (edited 11-06-2001).]

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2001-11-06 03:04 PM



All we have to do is mention the name of a dance, and you delight us with visuals of another time, another place?

Ah...Rhumba, then....

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2001-11-06 03:26 PM


WOW!  Love the way this sounds when read!
Very nice indeed.  Enjoyed!  ~Nancy~

~I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before.~

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