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Open Poetry #16
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...To Write as Funny as I Can....
| Open Poetry #16 |
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...To Write as Funny as I Can.... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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(this bit of fluff wrote itself. I just held onto the pen  )One eve, in late-night solitude, I found myself in silly mood Which conjurs periodically A devil's imp inside of me And thus decided in that state, Although the hour was growing late, That it would do my psyche good To write as funny as I could. I sat in abject contemplation Smiling at my new creation. Satisfied it was my best I drifted off to peaceful rest Then, in the morning, as we ate I mentioned to my sleepy mate, "I'm leaving you my latest rhyme. Peruse it when you have the time." What happened next, from all reports Of affidavits in the courts Plus wild conjecture from the views Of anchors on the Evening News Seems so absurd one might surmise That it was but a pack of lies But it is sworn this did occur From what my poem did to her. My wife, not one to be a prude, Enjoyed her housework in the nude And, being on the 14th floor, Few visitors came to the door Plus Maniac, my doberman, Was not afraid of any man Or beast attempting entry there So she was safe sans underwear. So there she was, a little bored, Naked at the ironing board... She took my poem and peeked within And felt her mouth turn into grin. She read the next....the grin grew more Then read the next and gave a roar! The next! She laughed so hard inside The tears were streaming as she cried! She read the next and giggled more And fell down laughing on the floor. She rolled around hysterically And lost all sense of sanity! She bit her lip and pulled her hair As tremors shook her everywhere And, for a solid hour or more, She rolled and gurgled on the floor!! While she was rolling in a daze Hot iron had set the board ablaze And quickly spread the flames throughout The whole house as she thrashed about! Hot water cooked my fish, poor soul, As he was swimming in his bowl And Maniac began to howl In protest to events so foul! My neighbor Bill had smelled the smoke And, with a mighty lunge, he broke The door down as he rushed inside, Then ran to kneel at my wife's side But Mania, my faithful mutt Jumped up and bit him in the butt! Trying to protect her life He knocked poor Bill right on my wife!!! Police then came and what they saw Assured them SOMEONE broke the law.. Bill on my naked, screaming wife, My huge dog holding on for life, My fish, a floating fricassee, With smoke so thick one couldn't see. Reporters then came in like flies With headlines dancing in their eyes! They booked poor Bill into the jail Until his wife produced the bail And Maniac, my faithful hound Was transferred to the city pound. My wife went under lock and key Still giggling hysterically And, all in all, it was a mess Producing multitudes of stress. All's well now. Bill has been released And studies hard to be a priest. He won his lawsuit from the STAR Who branded him a Lochinvar And added greatly to his strife With pictures of him on my wife As headlines blared across front page, MAN GOES BERZERK IN LUSTFUL RAGE! Old Maniac is home, as well. He's been released from doggie hell. He's still the same protective hound And snarls whenever Bill's around. Wife's home from sanitarium But still takes daily lithium And giggles uncontrollably When someone mentions poetry. I contemplate now - is it worth The effort to write words of mirth Which can produce such consequences Stripping readers of their senses? If you think so, go ahead... Take out those pens and knock 'em dead But, as for me, I never plan To write as funny as I can!!!!  |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Balladeer, ROTFLMAO Well this is probably the only time you failed at poetry. Cause it was drop dead hysterical.  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
ROFLMAO YOU ARE THE MAN YOU GET A CASE OF SPAM FOR THIS ONE!! you are too cool for school... and YOU DONT ever write "fluff" But what the heck did you eat to dream this one up... we cant even blame THIS on SPAM or Vienna Sausages very very cool OH GREAT ONE!!! we bow before the master |
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JulieAnn Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!! |
This is hilarious.....Noone could hold a candle to your words of wit.....Nice Job!!!! [This message has been edited by JulieAnn (edited 10-31-2001).] |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Balladeer!! This is just too funny!! Just one question...do we get to see the poem that set your spouse into a naked laughing fit?? I'd love to read it...even though I am not on the 14th floor and could be easily seen by neighbours. Sounds like it would be worth the risk! You are the wizard of comedy, sir! ~hugs, Nancy~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
This is so funny. Really enjoyed reading this. |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
I bow down to the master of verse. You sir have outdone yourself this time. Brilliant, brilliant. roflma. Too, too funny. If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
This is so funny Balladeer. Way to go !! Good way for me to end the day, Thankyou, Chris  Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
 I adore your wit m'deer dear! This one's a keeper~  just because you're you!Take care, Melissa~ "Poetry is not an opinion expressed... |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
 fabulous......... i love it..... |
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
You my friend are and always will be the Master of verse.. I could only hope to pen a masterpiece like this.. I bow down to you Balladeer. You Sir.... have all my respect. With perseverance even the snail reached the Ark. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
larry C...glad I failed and I'm happy you enjoyed. Thank you! Janet Marie...I'll give ya a hint...NEVER dip vienna sausages in marshmellow creme! Thank you for your wonderful words, Missouri belle! Julie Ann..thank you! If they do, it'll be because the electricity went out! enchantress...if you promise to read it that way, I'll provide it...promise!!!  SmartChick..I'm very happy you enjoyed! tracey..you can stand tall with me any day! Thank you, m'lady  Nightshade..thank you for allowing me to end it...and may tomorrow be wonderful for you Melissa...you're so sweet! Some Greeks have all the luck! doreen...I am glad you do!  Lucie...and you, girl, have all my friendship. You're special....and I'm SO happy to see you back!  [This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 10-31-2001).] |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Balladeer, You are just to great! I LOVEEEEEEEE your poetry! I wish I had a knack for comedy like you Just wonderful. BRAVO!!!!!!!Hugs Tara Don't marry for money... You can borrow it cheaper! [This message has been edited by rosepetals25 (edited 11-01-2001).] |
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SmittenKitten Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131where the sky and horizon meet |
Balladeer~ Hehehehe Do *not* get me started on a laughing fit! I could easily end up in your wife's situation! And if this is you holding back from writing as funny as you can, then definitely prepare me first if you ever do decide to go all the way! Hilarious write Balladeer You definitely are the master....the Goofy Master is more like it!Hugs, ~Krista  Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself. Thank you for having the courage to share yourself so that I can too [This message has been edited by SmittenKitten (edited 11-01-2001).] |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Balladeer~ I could stay up ALL night ... and never top this one~ You are something else~ Funny how that guys name was Bill~ ... probably coincidence, huh ?  Love ya' *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
ROTFLMAO  You really did it this time, Sir Ballad-ear. Now, I really want to see that poem you wrote for your poor wife! Your mind works in mysterious ways. Can I empty your e-trash can after I'm done emptying Marge's? |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Succumbed to giggles? Hauled away? I love it when you write this way! 'Tis such a flowing, perfect tale … A master weave, you do regale! Alas, I must re-think my plan, I'm just a touch afraid … I am! No longer can I sit behind … My screen sans clothing reading rhymes! Thanks for the giggles and grins Micheal ... this was superb! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Mon Cherie
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922Land of Never-ending Summers |
OH..... hehehe... *gigglez* I was nearly approaching the state your wife was in, though not as naked as she is. =P This is by far the funniest I've read!!! |
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GhostWriter_6 Member
since 2001-09-03
Posts 237??Amityville?? |
Now That was funny.... i got to give it to you.. keep on writing |
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Accordionmaid Member
since 2001-10-28
Posts 153MA/USA |
This is so hilarious! I laughed out loud, sitting here, and my dog's beginning to get nervous... |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
I do believe you've started my November 1 off on the right...poem. Thanks for this classic. Make sure you bring it back often! |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
What a fanciful story and thoroughly enjoyable or gr9 troubador Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Balladeer----YOU ROCK!! |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Alone I audibly guffaw to cries as Santa like watch belly rise and neighbors hereabout surmise that Mr. Misery finally dies. "Happy people have no history" - French Proverb |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Ahhhhhh, Deer One... On another day, I'll savor the perfection with which you've written this delightful comedy of errors... For now, I'll just embrace the giggles it gives so generously and say "thanks, sweets." *S* |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
I have never read another poet who holds the reader so spell bound as yourself... seems every time I read you, you make me smile .....this was hilarious... and thank you kind sir, for the kiss on the cheek *soft smile* |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
rosepetals...and I LOVEEEEEyour response! Thank you!! kitten...I would LOVE to see you in a laughing fit! I accept Goofy Master with pride! Marge...can I stay up all night with ya? Yes, definitely coincidence midnitesun....sure you can...as soon as I get a wife! My trash is yours... Kit....you are an evil woman! How can you put that picture in my mind!! Now I will always wonder...  mon cherie..you paint a pretty picture, too! Thank you!!  ghostwriter_6....ok, if you insist I thank you....accordionmaid...ROFL!! I love it!  Decaflame...I won't leave home without it! May your month be wonderful.. interloper...I thank you, low purr Martie...you left out HEAD! Thank you, sweet lady RSWells...good! He was a drag, anyway suthern...I love to hear you giggle jellybeans..you have a beautiful smile....and a soft cheek |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
Oh my gosh...I can't believe I almost let this one slip by! This is Hillarious! The Wife, the dog, the fish, Bill!!!! ~Laughing wildly....rolling on floor knocking computer off the desk....what the heck... it feels good!!!! LAUGH ING AT YOU!~ I love it...sorry don't mean to mmmmmmghgghh....make light of your poetic predicament....but this is GREAT! You are so talented in the tickling department deer. Is this poetic justice. LOL! Sincerely, Regina |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
'Deer - Thank you for pinning this one on Bill. I enjoyed the read. |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Good thing that Toe doesn't live next door! Once again you have proven the worth of your name. I would bow to you and yours, but I don't trust the dog. Thanks for the fun... Peace! |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Oh Balladeer this is such fun You are the best under the sun A grinning smile from ear to ear Is what you get from me my Deer Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
had to come back for a second read.... this is soooooo good!!!!! you are so fine, 'deer Poet i wish you'd post more often |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is hysterical, Michael! Thanks for the chuckles! |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
This may be the funniest thing I've ever read. Would you consider selling timeshares to your mind? Sounds like one great vaction spot! |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
Here are my two sense O yuh O yuh awesome indeed [This message has been edited by wayoutwalt (edited 11-03-2001).] |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Only a small number of poets can write this good...and you are obviously one of those...James |
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