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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2001-10-20 10:06 AM

Mistake

I shot an arrow full of words
To find the distance of a heart
Tipped with subtle little blurbs
To stop a teardrop at its start

It flew into a thunderstorm
Full of rage and angers wrath
Cloaked in darkest shadows form
That obliterated its path.

I tried my best to make amends
To offer love, my understand
To make an end and just be friends
Dampen the fire down to bland

I said I loved you that is true
You are the sweetest of the sweet
But t’was not my intent or view
To make of you a lovers treat

I ask you for a soft reprieve
And there is nothing up my sleeve.

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

1 posted 2001-10-20 10:17 AM

A "bow" need be careful of his target. Clever write.

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

2 posted 2001-10-20 11:21 AM

Very well said giving a soft landing for you arrow. Well done. Your words speak well for you with honesty. You are very talented, you know.

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-10-20 11:51 AM

I tried my best to make amends
To offer love, my understand
To make an end and just be friends
Dampen the fire down to bland

I said I loved you that is true
You are the sweetest of the sweet
But t’was not my intent or view
To make of you a lovers treat

I ask you for a soft reprieve
And there is nothing up my sleeve.

========================================

what a sweet sincere pen me dear Stinky
I dont know how the intended of this could resist such a poetic kind peace offering...
We love when you wrap rhymes around those arrows..they always hit the heart target.
and hey..if this dont work? ...
Blame it all on Randy ...its aways his sleeves

*L*
*winkiewinkie*

me

This distance has shown how the road remains alone
Now I'm looking in my life ... for a truth that is my own.

The Lady of Shallot
Senior Member

since 2001-10-03

Posts 818
USA

4 posted 2001-10-20 11:53 AM

If these words were written to me (and of course they're not! I don't know you) but if they were? I would believe them and tell the person that sometimes when a heart is pierced, then it begins to heal and knows when love is real and believes that it was!
I hope your lady does (if this is personal) if not, well it's a fine poem!!!!

-befriend yourself and you will never be alone-
Anna

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2001-10-20 11:58 AM

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

6 posted 2001-10-20 12:33 PM

RSWells, Thank you for the clever.

Startime, Thank you for the sweet comp.

JM, Ya Randy has bigger sleeves than I.
Winkiewinkie Stinky and we love thee.

Lady, Not personal just a poem but thank you for the lovely comment.

Mistletoe, Thank you sweet. *L*

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

7 posted 2001-10-20 12:47 PM

"I said I loved you that is true
You are the sweetest of the sweet
But t’was not my intent or view
To make of you a lovers treat"

Excellent Sy .... from the flowing sentiments and rhyme, to the wonderfully skillful phrasing. A beautiful read indeed!

Best wishes,
/Kit

wayoutwalt
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

8 posted 2001-10-20 12:50 PM

Awesome thoughts in this one and the imagery moved me

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

9 posted 2001-10-20 03:00 PM

Kit,
Your excellent has overtones thank you. *L*

Wayoutwalt,
A very nice comp, thank you

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

10 posted 2001-10-20 04:15 PM

wish I had the right words to say how much I like this one, thread to my library.

Charisma

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

11 posted 2001-10-20 07:51 PM

Charisma,
What you said was enough, thank you.

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

12 posted 2001-10-20 08:42 PM

Seymour, Oh, this touched me deeply. We all make mistakes. If she doesn't forgive you - I will. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite

since 2000-01-30

Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London

13 posted 2001-10-20 09:47 PM

Hats off to you Seymour ...
an uplifting look at some wonderful thoughts

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

14 posted 2001-10-20 10:32 PM

Nightshade,
Thank you Chris.

Rex,
And I thank you for the gracious comment.

Tracey
Member Elite

since 2001-08-29

Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding

15 posted 2001-10-21 02:08 AM

I'm sure any lady that heard these words would forgive the arrow. Wonderfully written

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

16 posted 2001-10-21 07:54 AM

My archery stance needs some practice as well...

a delightful read, our Sy...sorry I missed it yesterday...

but not today! Aim true, pen more. K

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

17 posted 2001-10-21 09:13 AM

Tracey,
Thank you for the dear words.

Sunshine,
You always shine for me. *L*

Abigaile
Member

since 2001-10-21

Posts 112
San Mateo, CA

18 posted 2001-10-22 12:11 PM

Very moving. I feel we are all familiar with this. Thank you for saying it so well.

"I am nae poet, in a sense;
But just a rhymer like by chance..."
-Robert Burns

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

19 posted 2001-10-22 12:20 PM

Abigaile,
Thank you for the read and comment.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

20 posted 2001-10-27 03:41 AM

Seymour-
   Beautifully expressed thoughts, my friend.
   Hugs,
   ~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

21 posted 2001-10-27 08:57 AM

Valraynis,
Thank you for looking up my poem that have left the first page. *L*

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