Getting Off The Train Of The Nine To Five (Villanelle Format)

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Open Poetry #15

Getting Off The Train Of The Nine To Five (Villanelle Format)

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

0 posted 2001-08-13 12:14 PM

Getting Off The Train Of The Nine To Five

Getting off the train of the nine to five
with dreamer's dreams of living paradise,
the retired says, "I'm glad to be alive!"

Passed by were establishments and dives
where a life was enjoyed by many wise
getting off the train of the nine to five.

After years of hearing shop talk and jive
in multi-colored spectacle of lies,
the retired says, "I'm glad to be alive!"

Waited for are happy days to arrive
since withdrawal has untightened office ties
getting off the train of the nine to five.

Leaving headache of corporation drive
to live a life of fun and compromise,
the retired says, "I'm glad to be alive!"

Thinking back on all that he's been deprived,
the Pope orders a coke, hot-dog, and fries.
Getting off the train of the nine to five,
the retired says, "I'm glad to be alive!"

-Lighthouse Bob

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-08-13 12:52 PM

Nice job on the poem.

I don't know if you were aware of it but one of the requirements for Villanelle is that it be written in Iambic Meter. Other than that though, you did the format correctly.
Aside from technicalities, this had a nice content and a playful tone. Good work, Bob.
~Allan

The children of the nobility are playing here. they look up at you with disgust as you come near.

Snooganzmeister32
Member

since 2001-07-17

Posts 67
Cali, USA

2 posted 2001-08-13 12:53 PM

lovely write. We should all be glad to be alive. Thank you for reminding us.

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

3 posted 2001-08-13 12:57 PM

Allan,

I wrote this in villanelle format more for fun than for compliance to serious meter... but, your point is well taken. I'm glad that you liked it overall. Hey, I'll post a more serious villanelle in Critical Analysis for your input. I hope you'll respond. -Bob

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

4 posted 2001-08-13 01:01 PM

Snooganzmeister32,

Yes. You are absolutely correct we should all be glad and enjoy the simple things in life. -Bob

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