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Open Poetry #15
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Not Tonight
| Open Poetry #15 |
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Not Tonight |
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Breathe~ Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 315Washington... |
Warm sudsy water soft music blending with burning candles I soak in the tub wiggling my toes waiting for tranquility Not tonight... Sinking down my head submerged in frustration Images float with me black and white memories caught beneath my eyes I am ridiculous in this tub willing them to drown knowing they won’t Breaking the surface I step out and let another failure drain away Who am I trying to fool wrapped up in a towel convictions dripping onto the floor Night after night I crawl into bed pretending not to notice how empty it is Covering my head…again sanctuary beneath blankets I hope Not tonight... Nostalgia creeps in like an old movie, playing over and over until I cry myself to sleep Waking later drenched in sweat your pillow interwoven with me and the emptiness of my heart Another night slips away laced with psychedelic dreams and melancholy I rise to the reality that sometimes love is not enough… I love the time and in between the calm inside me in the space where I can breathe... Sarah McLachlan [This message has been edited by Breathe~ (edited 07-19-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Denise Blackwell - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Breathe~ This is melancholy with the softest touch~ It's nice to see you.  ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Breathe...you have some wonderful images here...like the dripping convictions - love that. I wonder if it isn't just a tad too long? By too long I mean that parts of this seem to overstate - like this for example: 'How can life can be so good and yet so wrenching' the next few verses serve to show the reader this, so there really isn't any need to tell us this at all... thanks for the read   K |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I will side with Little K here, in that I felt there were three good, maybe in four, good pieces here. Little vignettes, if you will, of different parts of this character's day. All would have stood alone...all would have given the same melancholy feel... something for you to explore... I too enjoyed the convictions dripping away, as well as quote: Looking forward to more, and soon, please! |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Nice images in this and overall a nice write. I would echo the comments above in that it could be tightened up with a little different transition from one moment to the next. Now having said that, I will also say find your own style and voice. IF this suits you... and to you it is the way it should be said... leave it as is and to the devil with people like me who would offer their opinions  |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
So heart wrenching. You've have it all but the love that you miss so. Could feel your lonliness through the whole poem. |
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Breathe~ Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 315Washington... |
Hey Marge!...*HUG* For every one else, thank you so much for your comments and suggestions...I tried a couple of changes...Not sure what I think about them...but welcome any insight... thank you again... I love the time |
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Saunni Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777West Virginia |
Indeed so lovely. I'm glad I read this one! Sauni Sauni :) |
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