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Open Poetry #15
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quickening
| Open Poetry #15 |
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quickening |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Listen--feel the quickening... beneath a fragile shell. Watch the quaking of infirm undulating birth of HELL. Oh the nest, a careful build... sticks and moss and fine finesse regurgitation deep from well-- and every sentence? starts-- "I WILL"-- Feathers fluff, to start enough, each thought ending where began... as I feel the quickening of just the promise of your hand... |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Morning... I like this one...and the only suggestion I would make is to look at the first line... Listen... feel..... this is a bit mixed to me without helping the reader to know the listening is connected to the feel by either stilling themselves or by the "vibrations" of the quickening inside them resounding or building.... as usual... I did enjoy!!! |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
what about a line break after "listen"?? love the poem my friend. . . you have grown much in your time here. . . ------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Okay...I will think about the first line...but as a woman...I have to wonder if you have ever watched a woman "feel" the quickening of her unborn child...she poses in a position of listening...maybe I can better illustrate that imagery with a little more thought. Thank you both, I know this could be much better.  |
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