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Open Poetry #15
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Lady In White
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799
USA

0 posted 2001-09-04 04:05 PM




Consummate

riding surf’s deafening
crest
feeling pain sulk in
one’s breast
knowing to be quietly
insane
else to never see you
again

restacking shelves of what-
about
while other selves leave
to scout
the beach, the shore, a
cavalcade
exploring misery that was
made

full moon has whitened
night
shadows cast forth in luna’s
light
yet you wordless creep
ashore
washing all away once
more

riding white the determined
crest
of all that once was then
your best



© Copyright 2001 Lady In White - All Rights Reserved
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
1 posted 2001-09-04 04:16 PM


I felt the ebb and flow of the waves as I read this. Well done, Lady!
Tiersdin
Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
2 posted 2001-09-04 06:02 PM


Lady in White, this is so soft and beautiful~ as VAS said above, one can feel the ebb an flow of the words...

enjoyed!

~Tier

The Rusty Knight
Member
since 2001-08-29
Posts 414
Texas
3 posted 2001-09-04 06:20 PM


washing all away once
more

riding white the determined
crest
of all that once was then
your best

I think it gets pretty deep here (no pun intended *S*). This says something to all of us that have a little grey hair ( or would if we didn't have a little help) about riding old accomplishments. Am I looking too deep?  I like the flow, too.


Death comes not when we cease to breath, but when we cease to dream.

[This message has been edited by The Rusty Knight (edited 09-05-2001).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

4 posted 2001-09-05 12:25 PM


riding surf’s deafening
crest
feeling pain sulk in
one’s breast
knowing to be quietly
insane
else to never see you
again
==========================

full moon has whitened
night
shadows cast forth in luna’s
light
yet you wordless creep
ashore
washing all away once
more

riding white the determined
crest
of all that once was then
your best
================================

Lady, Lady....so many times now...
your words become mine........
I do so love the way you speak them  
superb poetess in white
jm

A man who asks a woman to lie for him, is a man who will lie to that woman.
A woman who lies for a man, is a woman who lies to herself.
(vise versa)

Logan
Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641
Arkansas
5 posted 2001-09-05 01:09 AM


Ahh, the foam is the last vestige of the wave is it not?  Very nice write indeed, very gentle smile
Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2001-09-05 07:27 AM


LadyInWhite~

'full moon has whitened
night
shadows cast forth in luna’s
light
yet you wordless creep
ashore
washing all away once
more

riding white the determined
crest
of all that once was then
your best'


Very effective~
Nice undulation~
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
                                   noles1@totcon.com            

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

7 posted 2001-09-05 08:46 AM


Beautifully done... nicely flows with an ebb and tide...just as the meaning does... good stuff!!!
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

8 posted 2001-09-06 01:05 AM


There were so many lines of this that stood out for me but I think these were my favorite

knowing to be quietly
insane
else to never see you
again

Then again, that last verse was incredible.  Oh well, I don't have to decide, all of it is my favorite!

Tracey
Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding
9 posted 2001-09-06 06:46 AM


This is really really good. Duncan already pointed out my favourite lines, so I won't repeat. Fantastic piece of writing

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
10 posted 2001-09-06 08:09 AM


Waft every crest upon your destined sea
Embrace the Wave of Serendipity
Lest its elusive arcane ecstasy
Refurl with sail for all eternity...

I like  your version, Lady..

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
11 posted 2001-09-06 10:54 AM


Lady--

You write with such ease of things so full.

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
12 posted 2001-09-06 11:56 AM


This was so well crafted - the parallel thoughts were choreographed beautifully.
mirror man
Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814

13 posted 2001-09-09 12:26 PM


Yes, this is very good.  Hard to add anything to what's already been said.
Topheth
Member
since 2001-09-08
Posts 297
Texas
14 posted 2001-09-09 07:16 AM


As all as been said above - lovely.


Perhaps a bit out of place, but I love this:
"restacking shelves of what-about..."



snowpants
Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061
KS
15 posted 2001-09-09 10:03 AM


Excellent write, Lady...the images are fantastic...great poem!

sp  

tried to write a letter
to tell you how I feel,
but all I kept on writing
was slipping on the tears from the day...

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