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Open Poetry #15
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Where the river runs wildest
| Open Poetry #15 |
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Where the river runs wildest |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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You just wanted to come home to peace – I suppose the liquor provided enough to sate you in the nights while I peered from behind the curtain and held my dog toy for comfort against the draughts of anger, and the cold Ohawe wind. I walked to the school bus stop in the freezing mornings, playing with the frost under my feet, making music from the crunching, imagining myself away. Those magpies, and my spiders, understood my starvation, and even my trees, and the ocean’s husky whisper just across the paddocks. You thought they belonged to you just because you shaped the back yard into some recognisable jungle, and placed a goat on wire there, hammered a half-fence around the unbroken grass. You thought they were yours when you planted pine trees, and dreamed of a garden with a fountain, and waterfalls. The land was mine; it heard my tales, and my singing and absorbed my blood - seeped into the ground from all my childish, brave scrapes. I taste the air, still, though I am now city-bound. Pine cones yearned for me, for my reddened hands to collect them for winter fires, and the sheep’s skull would’ve told me its story, if I had stayed with you for long enough. Feral cats offered their fresh-earthed coats for my nose and arms. The river still has my offerings – it’s carried them to sea, and the buttercups circle with the tide, 15 years on. Father, the land is more of family to me; it is shelter. I know you see me as a yoke, and something that – not of blood – you don’t have to claim. You cannot fathom that land you own, for my mark, my child-loneliness and play are fertile. I run the wild places still. There are leaves in my hair. My land is no longer refuge, but only home. It waits for me. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
A wonderful sharing with us, Severn...it's been a while, and I didn't know how thirsty I was.... wonderful! |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
very nice... and as usual..I find your style appealing and your images clear... I do wonder if a couple of additional breaks in the poem would not help the reader dilineate the change in thought or scene... but it read nicely as is and my wanting to add additional breaks probably only a personal preference... The subject matter is touching and personal without being overly sentimental or bitter... stark images created in places softened by the images of the land itself.. I liked |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
The land's a living thing and we all become a part of it in the end. I know of angry drunks and the unavoidable pain in the memory. This is very well written. I can't erase the notion of the tethered goat as bait or sacrifice to something ominous. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Crunching snow-music, buttercups circling in the tide...these are beautiful images. The image of the child clutching a toy for emotional protection, and the poor tethered goat, provide a sad background melody. A very tender poem. Midnitesun |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
excellent writing every bit of it... ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
this is why we flock to your works like ducks to a pond my friend. . . your images here are totally wonderful. . . they go from one place to another. . . and yet, they're not "jumpy" or hard to follow. . . it's like taking a trip through your mind. . . like the good Capt., I must agree that some better lines breaks might be needed. . . but then again, I wonder if the "disjointed" quality of the ones that you do have add to giving the poem another dimension. . .  you always amaze me with your talent and with your heart. . . please continue to do so. . .  ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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WRBreezin Member
since 2001-08-04
Posts 212 |
If we speak of writing as a discipline, then surely we all could use some guidance at times. However, I toss that aside when I read, gathering the writer's soul, and intent in their message. I've read you previously, and as then I find this piece a compelling walk through all that you embrace. Greatly enjoyed. Willie Breezin |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
A beautiful, sad and tender write m'dear... The land was mine; it heard my tales, and my singing and absorbed my blood - seeped into the ground from all my childish, brave scrapes. I taste the air, still, though I am now city-bound. Pine cones yearned for me, for my reddened hands to collect them for winter fires, Love the imagery here hon. As always great work! Maree |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
I so seldom look over these pages anymore, but sometimes, something in me says, "Hey, drop by." ... then I'm blessed with the rare poetry of you or another author that opens my soul a bit too much... I saw your name and my heart leapt. And I read, and it swelled and sank in the same beat, not for the sadness itself, really... but because it is long and tired. Behind it is a determination (and an indifference?) and that seems to strike it in bold. It is the sweeping sinking pain of loneliness, the sharp pain of anger endured; memory and release; something broken into shards and absorbed into something soft… So I wonder what has just happened in your life … I’ll give you my impressions later if you care to hear them. For now? Hugs, and force to the purpose you carry. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kamla I feel like I know this little girl holding nature to her when all else failed her. She gave and loved and appreciated, and grew beautiful dispite all. You have done a great job with this heart touching poem!! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
K...I'm speechless. No critique necessary...(as if I'd dare) So well written, I am suppressing an urge to delete myself...  'Tis a beauty, dearheart. HUGS. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Severn, Where have you been sweety? I missed your lovely writes. And this one is no exception. Well done. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Deca - yes, it's been a while - in fact I haven't written a poem in two-three months...too busy with school dare I say it lol...thanks my friend...always happy to know you read me... Cpat - Thanks Ah yes, the ever-plaguing line breaks...does the fact I wrote it at 2am excuse me? Heh...j/k. I think, as Sven says later on, that some of the line breaks were purposely disjointed because its a disjointed experience...a disjointed poem...there is no definitive time here...the memories are all scraped into one recitation - memories of years...memories that blur into one long sensation...hence the line breaks blur...however, I value your input because I don't want my work to be jumpy, or hard to follow...I'll revise it...cheers - appreciate your crits you know.RS - that is an interpretation that interests me...the sacrificial goat. (I think the poor thing suffered more from my teasing than being on a wire haha - I tell you I got rammed up the behind more than once rotf). Thank you for you insightful comments.Midnite - well, thankyou. It's always nice to have a reply from someone I don't know...a very special thing. And I'm glad you felt a melody from this... Wynter - that has to be high praise...and I appreciate it... Svenny - Ducks eh? Is it the season there HAHAHA...er..sorry...actually, I don't know what to say to that, cept - thanks? High endorsement, that's for sure...Read what I wrote to Cpat about the line breaks...and I will try to do so on your request Sir Just I seem to have no time anymore...WR - and that is probably a very good approach...there is a difference between the craft and the results of the craft...thank you very much for taking the time out to read, and for the lovely thoughts... Mmy - nice to see you hon ...thanks dear for your continued support of my poetry...hey - it's been sometime since I've read anything from YOU...well ???  Ms Cor - would it surprise you if I said you were right in it all??? Prolly not...even the indifference...though it isn't simple indifference; it's an indifference born from giving up...oh - and what has happened? Just that it is Father's Day here tomorrow...something I can take no part in and a day when I really miss the land. Of course I want to hear your impressions...thanks for dropping in (did the fall hurt? heh).. Martie - my friend, well my poetic counterpart, I knew you would 'get' this...and I'm glad it touched you...hugs... Karen - lol...as always the first thing you do is make me laugh...ROTF...been a time since we talked yes? Glad to see your words...miss ya..and hope you're doing ok. Sy - how nice to read you my friend... Hope you're doing well..I hardly have time to come here now...but I'm not a complete stranger...thank you for your lovely words... KI am a refugee of logic...insisting |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Excellently written, Kamla, very well done. It's so nice to see you again! You have to rip yourself away from those books once in awhile to come see us! |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Kamla you're a sweetheart and I love how you've rendered your heart in this fine poetic work.....I certainly wouldn't worry about any of the lines being wrong because that would take away from the originality, sincerity and genuiness of the work! What a pure and truthful, yet mystic sail through the hurt and pain without dwelling to much on the perpetrator's bad qualities. Amazing word pictures you use in this story bring the clearest kind of virtual reality to the reader! "I walked to the school bus stop in the freezing mornings, playing with the frost under my feet, making music from the crunching, imagining myself away." A haunting sad loneliness, a tugging at the heart strings, with the vision of a little girl in the foreground. The rest equally amazing! Bless you for your efforts! |
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citizenx Member
since 2001-07-31
Posts 189motorcade |
you see me as a yoke, and something that – not of blood – you don’t have to claim. You cannot fathom that land you own, for my mark, my child-loneliness and play are fertile. I could not or even dare rip this one. In fact I am putting in my library wonderful reminiscing. some great images K. "the blizzard of the world has crossed the threshold and it has overturned |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I have only one question. When your first book of poetry is published may I have the first copy off the press? Autographed of course. You have an amazing talent, an amazing heart, and are an amazing person. Heck while I am at it,, I want an autogrpaphed first copy of everything you write...lol Wonderful writing dear. Truly. HK>LK There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
library dear.. as someone once said.. you can have my signature to make this post more interesting...heh JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoy |
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The Rusty Knight Member
since 2001-08-29
Posts 414Texas |
It is hard to see the world as a child sometimes. It is important to be part of something in the troubled times of childhood. This is a wonderful piece that shows the way children cope with a troubled world. Death comes not when we cease to breath, but when we cease to dream. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Denise - thank you...nice to hear from you, and glad you enjoyed It's not just books keeping me away but life lol...but I'm here every now and then...(wait till I do my MA haha - then you'll never see me  ). Hugs.Ethome. Well, I'm wowed - what lovely words you have given me..Many comments have reflected on how not much attention was paid to the alcoholic father - I think it's mainly because I wanted to portray the girl's relationship to the land...bless you for your reply, Ethome.. Citx ohhhhhhhh...no crit for K??? rotf..honoured to be in your library my friend...hugsJamie - LOL...keep dreaming k? HAHA...thanks hon.. Vandana - nice to see you here K |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
RKnight - sorry...just missed you! This is definitely a poem about belonging...so, thanks for your astute reply... K |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
A wonderful poem which describes so well the lonliness a child can feel and the secret life they sometimes are forced to live. I'm glad I came here tonight and had a chance to read it. Betty Lou Hebert |
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Alan Senior Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 1499right next door |
This is fantastic...great read. alan |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Trillium and Alan - thank you both so very much...I'm honoured... K |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Dreaming dear? How 'bout a friendly wager? You name the terms...heh HK>LK There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
Father, the land is more of family to me; it is shelter. I know you see me as a yoke, and something that – not of blood – you don’t have to claim. You cannot fathom that land you own, for my mark, my child-loneliness and play are fertile. I run the wild places still. There are leaves in my hair. My land is no longer refuge, but only home. It waits for me. Severn, this held a real connection for me. It took 23 years of travel to come back to my homeland, after a very unkind world. The soil still holds my spirit. The last stanza was definately a very real me. Sincerely, Regina |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Regina...thanks..your reply touched me...I don't think, realistically, I will have access to the land of home again - but I'll always have it in my memory - and all land is beautfiful...in its own way... hugs.. K |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Oh me oh my, Severn it's soooooooooo nice2come across your poetry here... This is an excellent read my PoetFriend and I wish to thank you a whole bunch for sharing this with us all... Hugs2uAlwaysPoetFriend *~coco~* |
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