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nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2001-08-30 11:04 AM

History

Holding on, sometimes dear
to history, to future clear.
Unmake mistakes, passed stage to stage
I tale the story, events in age.

To handle form, embodied mine
lost it's freshness, of ancient times.
What counts, details each step in real,
of words and actions, obtained in feel.

His story, Hers combined
undefined and intertwined.
Open mind, unconfined
sometimes needing redefined.

I leave behind, this state of mind
in search of hope, heart words not blind.

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 08-30-2001).]

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

1 posted 2001-08-30 01:13 PM

I've never seen you waste a word, and this is no exception!

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

2 posted 2001-08-30 02:44 PM

An Interesting sonnet,
Especially in the choice of subject.
I don’t know if you used the differing line length,
To express the random uncertain nature of things,

Holding on, sometimes dear
to history, to future clear.
Unmake mistakes, passed stage to stage
I tale the story, events in age.

seems too broken, and a bit difficult to grasp,
a suggestion:
Holding on to some things sometimes dearly,
It’s history to future to see clearly,
Unmade mistakes letting passed stage to stage,
I tell the story of events in age.

By lengthening to pentameter, gives better expression,
Although I might have slightly distorted your verse with my rewrite.
This is only as example,
Enjoyed the read and the concept of time effects
Has always been of interest to me.

Gloom

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

3 posted 2001-08-30 02:48 PM

It is through what we learn from "history"
and the past that makes our futures better
and brighter. Nice write Maureen, loved the meaning in this one.

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

(I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance~Garth)

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

4 posted 2001-08-30 03:21 PM

I like the lesson within, wise words were spoken here.

Charisma

Alan
Senior Member

since 2000-09-12

Posts 1499
right next door

5 posted 2001-08-30 05:42 PM

I agree with Charisma...this is a good lesson to learn...good read.
alan

shadow974
Senior Member

since 2001-06-21

Posts 636
Michigan

6 posted 2001-08-30 05:49 PM

Nice write, I enjoyed.

Throw your heart out in front of you
And run out to catch it.
ARAB PROVERB

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