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Open Poetry #15

Another Day Another Night

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

0 posted 2001-08-29 11:49 AM

Days of thunder and lighting,

you face the world alone,
you again face another day
another night alone,
All alone,
But when another night comes along,
You feel like you needed someone
to love you,
And when the day comes,
You have to face alone,
you know ,
There Is no one for you
to comfort you,
When you face the world alone,
Once you reach out for your hand
to walk with,
They will surely come and
shared this love you have
Inside your heart,
Once you open your heart
and feel like that
there is someone special for you
to hold your hand,
then you don't have
to face the world alone,
You know you can face the
world
When another day and another night
comes along
It will open your eyes and your heart
to show you that you are not alone
to face the world again,

[This message has been edited by vandana (edited 08-29-2001).]

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

1 posted 2001-08-29 11:57 AM

Very Nice, but

Days of thunder and lighting,
And you face the world alone,
And you again face another day
And another night alone,
All alone,

might better be

Days of thunder and lighting,
you face the world alone,
you face another day
another night alone,
again all alone,

I think that the ands are not needed
It a word that doesn’t add in repeating,
Since with the line break you get the meaning without stating it.
Just a suggestion.
The rest of the poem flows very nicely from that point.

Gloom

Decaflame
Senior Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 1635

2 posted 2001-08-29 12:05 PM

A beautiful poem of hope! Well done Vandana...

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2001-08-29 04:46 PM

vandana I hope your days will be filled with love and companionship....James

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

4 posted 2001-08-29 06:43 PM

excellently done my friend. . . and I would have to concur with Gloom's suggestion. . . you're getting better every day. . .

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To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

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