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Snow

Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain

0 posted 2001-08-11 03:27 AM

resurrect

let go
my wounded soul
glorious sadness, bleed
regret ~ for wishes of more time
weaving

my hand
cool sheets ~ hot tears
pools of passionate mirror
shadowing against tomorrow
alone

dying
skeleton breath
fading into the night
grey shell ~ fill me ~ enflame me ~ with
your kiss

"Trace my body with your words
and in doing so, you touch my heart"
Snow

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2001-08-11 07:50 AM

Snow, I've missed your poetry! Welcome home!

Snow

Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain

2 posted 2001-08-12 01:10 AM

Sunshine,

you certainly do make it feel wonderful to be back! thank you so much ;-)

snow

"Trace my body with your words
and in doing so, you touch my heart"
Snow

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

3 posted 2001-08-12 01:48 AM

The need for more time, only wish there was a bank for such withdrawals.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2001-08-23 05:05 AM

Snow-
   I'm liking this one very much!
   Wonderful write!

   hugs,
   ~vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

5 posted 2001-08-23 08:52 AM

like this.... a great deal I like this... nicely done!!!

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

6 posted 2001-08-23 09:13 AM

Most Cinquain are centered,
To high-light the form, although I am not so particular.
The ~ in the place of a comma,
I assume is a style, it is at least fairly consistent through out.

let go
my wounded soul
glorious sadness, bleed
regret ~ for wishes of more time
weaving

seems a bit off in my humble opinion,
perhaps
let go
my wounded soul
bleed glorious sadness,
for wishes of more time, regret,
weaving.
this might not be acceptable to you
since it bends the meaning I think you were trying to give.

Interesting read and enjoyable

Gloom

Poeminister
Senior Member

since 2000-02-26

Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada

7 posted 2001-08-23 12:38 PM

Snow-
I like this trio, especially the last one. Deftly penned.

PM

"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet."
-Plato

Snow

Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain

8 posted 2001-08-23 09:49 PM

thank you all for the comments. I appreciate each of them.

snow

"Trace my body with your words
and in doing so, you touch my heart"
Snow

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