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Delirious_Smurf
Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.

0 posted 2001-08-27 01:52 PM

Stalactites:

I'll go along when time allows
To lay alone inside my mind
Silver mirrors,opiate sounds
Reflect the warmth that hides inside
Close the shades
let no one see
they tore my soul.
but I'm still me
And not for long
in fright I'll stay,
I'll sing along
as babies pray
The thought of thoughts
the taste of gin
I'll rise above.
(edited my admin) eating grin
I'll lay alone inside my head
to shun their glares
and block the stares
And when time alows
I'll live no more with
the shattered dreams
and lonely thoughts.

It's not that good really but it's heartfelt!

Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand.

[This message has been edited by Heavens Tears (edited 08-28-2001).]

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-08-27 08:52 PM

It's about bloody time! I've been WAITING for another post from you, Laura!

hehehe
"Close the shades
let no one see
they tore my soul.
but I'm still me"
Loved those lines. Hell, Loved the whole write. *Pops you* No good? *Unpops you* Oh I see...Fishing for compliments? I taught you so well. LOL.

Seriously though Laura, very heartfelt indeed. Very awesome. I loved it. More, MORE!

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

2 posted 2001-08-27 09:36 PM

i liked this one, it was truly heartfelt

Only darkness falls on those without souls

Delirious_Smurf
Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.

3 posted 2001-08-27 10:05 PM

Fishin fer compliments?? Whatever do you mean Jesa??

Hahah nah but really I didn't think it was a GOOD poem but it was heartfelt
Thanks fer reading all

Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2001-08-27 10:44 PM

                               And when time alows
                               I'll live no more with
                               the shattered dreams
                               and lonely  thoughts.

Heartfelt AND GOOD!!!!...this is the first ve read from you laura and i have to say that this one is really good...i could relate to it in a weird way

...very well done! thanks for sharing!

Piece you life together and you WILL find holes.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-08-28 01:32 PM

Laura, this poem was awesome, but I the whole poem is based upon a ryhme scheme and then it's broken in the end. I mean the ending did rock but the flow kind of cuts off due to that break and it confused me for a bit. I really did enjoy this poem. Good job!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Crash&Burn
Member

since 2001-01-18

Posts 119

6 posted 2001-08-28 05:59 PM

definitly heartfelt. I really liked it smurf, it's very powerful and I really liked the rhyme. Nicely done, and yet another great post.

I see the darkness coming all is bleak...

Delirious_Smurf
Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.

7 posted 2001-08-28 09:35 PM

Thanks all =P
and yeah I know Dopes...But I suck at that...I know nothing bout schemes and how it's supposed to go.

Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

8 posted 2001-09-25 07:58 PM

"And when time alows
I'll live no more with
the shattered dreams
and lonely thoughts."

These lines just stuck on me
I'm very impressed Smurfy
I hope to see more in the future
by the way, I really love those lines
thanks for sharing

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie

Alyssa

Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!

9 posted 2001-09-25 08:02 PM

im in a bad mood its not fair...ill reread this poem again some time ok?

"I swear officer! It was PINK."

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

10 posted 2001-09-27 01:10 PM

Laura! Remind me to go and look at your other posts a little later on.

This is really good. I liked the way you delved deep into the aspects of you that is making you unhappy.
You've got some great lines in here. I can't wait to see more from you.

~AF~

"Reality is only a feeble rendering of the energy brought forth by the imagination"

Delirious_Smurf
Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.

11 posted 2001-09-27 10:53 PM

Thankies all!!!

I'm a professional happy puppet.

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

12 posted 2005-05-12 02:03 PM

i liked some of the imagery in this piece it had an interesting way of portraying some of the emotions and such. very meaningful Good job

"I go to parties sometimes until 4, it's hard to leave when you can't find the door..." Joe Walsh

(I Ride The Short Bus)

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