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Teen Poetry #5
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Can't
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Can't |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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I can't stop what I'm feeling, can't stop the way I'm living, can't stop what you're giving, can't change the way things are. I can't change what has happened, can't change the way you hurt me, can't change the way i feel now, can't help the way things are. I can't help what you've done to me, can't help the way you've given up, can't help the way you hurt me, can't stop the pain i feel. I can't stop what is already done, can't stop the world, it's too late, can't stop the fact that you've given me up, can't change the fact that I can change everything. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
This was a nice write, but the last lines confused me. You cant change anything, but you cant change the fact that you can change everything??? HUH? This may be a typo, but I thought I would bring it to your attention. Other than that, great job! |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I'm confusing, and that's the way I meant it. it's like if I did something, I could change everything, but I don't think that I could. Someone once taught me that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like yourself. That's what I live by. [This message has been edited by Allysa (edited 08-20-2001).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
The confusing lines did trip me up, but made me think about the poem a little more. It was a nice touch. The repitition I think is a bit overdone... it got kind of old reading different variations of the same line. This isn't one of your best.. but I still enjoyed the read. Keep posting all your work. --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Not my fav of yours lately allysa...But you're not writing for me- now are you? heHe... You expressed yourself pretty well here.  |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
I understand your poem and I really liked it.Your right though you cant change things that have happened so you shouldn't get blammed for it. Lauren |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
can't change the fact that I can change everything. wooooooooooooo.......can i use this as a signiture?  ..i loved this line! you did well for yourself on this one allysa!Piece you life together and you WILL find holes. |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Can you slap me upside the head? Because I am so sick and doped up on benadryl that I can't figure it out. I liked the poem anyway, I am just having a little trouble thinking............ Rich Love will come and love will go, but friends are forever (usually). |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Just one things Allysa.....Don't give up on things!!! hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Acire, you know me, I don't give up that easily. Cherish, go ahead. Actually, I command you to. It'll boost my self esteem. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought it was ok, but not yer best. Hope all things turn out well and i'm looking forward to some happy poems  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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