Teen Poetry #5 |
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sound of love |
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SunShine913![]()
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211Italy but from NC ![]() |
I heard a sound today, my friend,Such a sound I heardLike angels singing in my heartLike children playing in the park Like babbling streams through misty dark'Twas such a sound I heardI heard a sound today, my friend,Such a sound I heardLike cry I heard from my first bornLike bluebirds call in early mornLike velvet silence before a storm'Twas such a sound I heardI heard a sound today, my friend,Such a sound I heardThat sound I heard... it was my ChoiceNow I'm in love with your sweet voice...Forgive me! ____________________________________ Just so you guys no the poems that i have posted like "gone" and the one that is Untitled are old poems when i was having trouble with my life. but i did get help and now im happy and healthy.. from here on i will do my best to have the best of what i write on here ... thank you Andrea *You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun! |
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© Copyright 2001 Andrea L. Figueroa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Heavens Tears![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
You should try to separate the lines b/c it seems almost like prose. Still a good poem, good job! |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i liked this one a lot.the images you painted A were very vivdly playing im ny head but i agree with HT you should seperate this a little cuz it read a bit too much like prose...if it were longer it would be ok but as it is i think it may need a little revising..good job on it thought.. ![]() ![]() ![]() "Kiss my Starfish! |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Just as cherish said, I think that this would flow much easier if you separated the different lines. Put line breaks in there... it'll read much more easily ![]() --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Yep, most definetly. I highly suggest making individual lines for this one. I hate to read poetry in paragraph form. BUT! I did like the poem. The ending was my favorite. Very well done! You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I think you did wonderful on this cept for the common suggestion that everybody mentioned. Well done here. ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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