Teen Poetry #5 |
sound of love |
SunShine913
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211Italy but from NC |
I heard a sound today, my friend,Such a sound I heardLike angels singing in my heartLike children playing in the park Like babbling streams through misty dark'Twas such a sound I heardI heard a sound today, my friend,Such a sound I heardLike cry I heard from my first bornLike bluebirds call in early mornLike velvet silence before a storm'Twas such a sound I heardI heard a sound today, my friend,Such a sound I heardThat sound I heard... it was my ChoiceNow I'm in love with your sweet voice...Forgive me! ____________________________________ Just so you guys no the poems that i have posted like "gone" and the one that is Untitled are old poems when i was having trouble with my life. but i did get help and now im happy and healthy.. from here on i will do my best to have the best of what i write on here ... thank you Andrea *You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun! |
||
© Copyright 2001 Andrea L. Figueroa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
You should try to separate the lines b/c it seems almost like prose. Still a good poem, good job! |
||
cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i liked this one a lot.the images you painted A were very vivdly playing im ny head but i agree with HT you should seperate this a little cuz it read a bit too much like prose...if it were longer it would be ok but as it is i think it may need a little revising..good job on it thought.. "Kiss my Starfish! |
||
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Just as cherish said, I think that this would flow much easier if you separated the different lines. Put line breaks in there... it'll read much more easily I'm glad you got help. Admitting that one needs help is an easy thing to deny. I enjoyed this, and I hope to see more. --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
||
Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Yep, most definetly. I highly suggest making individual lines for this one. I hate to read poetry in paragraph form. BUT! I did like the poem. The ending was my favorite. Very well done! You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I think you did wonderful on this cept for the common suggestion that everybody mentioned. Well done here. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
⇧ top of page ⇧ | ||
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |