Perhaps a shade of red? - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #5

Perhaps a shade of red?

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

0 posted 2001-08-20 07:23 AM

Silver spins amoung the skies,
And builds a wonderful nest.
Where children go when they are good,
Where adults go to rest.

Winds blow blue through the trees,
Even sing blue tunes.
They dance and weave above,
Until the summer blooms.

And dancing yellow plays on water,
To fill the seas with gold.
Riches to the east and west,
The young, the teens, the old.

Thoughts of you have no colour,
Though they fill my head.
Unspecified and uncontrolled,
Perhaps a shade of red?

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

1 posted 2001-08-20 11:44 AM

This is really terrific, I love it. Good imagery and the rhymeing was done wonderfully. Great job!

~ali~

Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-08-21 01:32 PM

Allie, this is an awesome poem. There was a rhythm problem once, but nothing really needing to be pointed out

I really like dthe association of the colors... the imagery was awesome. Very nice work! The rhyme scheme and the meter was also overall pretty good. Well done. You're improving as a poet, and its showing!

I hope to see more soon..

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

3 posted 2001-08-21 05:01 PM

Great poem I really enjoyed reading it keep up the great work!
Lauren

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-08-22 07:25 PM

OOooo! I liked this alot! Loved the title AND ending... hahahaha... Thanks for the read!

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.