Teen Poetry #5 |
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Much Better Then Dad |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA ![]() |
Hey. This one, I don't really know where it came from. Just an idea in my head... I think it might have possibly been inspired by, "Don't Laugh At Me" by Mark Wills... I don't know. I haven't even heard that song yet today, but the first line is kinda mentioned in the song. Anywho, let me know what ya think! ![]() O ya, the title is explained in the last line of this piece. MUCH BETTER THEN DAD I am the "bum" on this street corner Please, won't you stop staring at me? Here I'm holding this cardboard sign This isn't how I dreamed life to be At one time I had a good job Serving hamburgers from 8 to 5 At the 9th street Dairy Queen Paid enough to keep my family alive Then one day they had to lay me off I was afraid, but I'd get a new job I got home to find my family was gone I knew not where they were; I began to sob Late that night the hospital called I felt myself beginnig to get the chills Wife and son's car was hit by a drunk Insurance would not cover the bills I decided to sell all that I had All that they took barely covered the cost My son's life was furtunately saved But my wife's was tragically lost I haven't been able to live life the same Applying for jobs, I did a lot of that The few interview they gave me I was rejected; said I smelled like a rat We were taken to the shelter My son is now older but i am not sad He's getting a highschool education That way his life will be lived Much better then that of his dad [This message has been edited by CwboyAtHeart (edited 08-14-2001).] |
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© Copyright 2001 C.K.N. - All Rights Reserved | |||
keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
That was awesome. The only problem I had with the poem was the line about smelling like a rat. The rest of the poem was great but that line just didn't seem to fit with the rest of it. Almost too childish sounding. Other than that I was extremely impressed with this piece Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Nicely done, Cody. I thought the poem was creative, although different from your usual. I enjoyed it! --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
I thought this was really good and I'm sure it's true for some people. Great job on this. ![]() Life is an open book with many unwritten pages, write something that's meaningful to you there. |
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Mykels_Angel Junior Member
since 2001-06-25
Posts 38australia |
*sniff* *sniff* thats sad u made my cwy ![]() ![]() GOOD JOB!! I never cry ![]() |
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MetallicIce New Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 1Pennsylvania, USA |
Wow.. so sad but I really like it. You did a wonderful job on this poem. I look forward to reading more of your pieces. Keep it up ![]() Love like there's no tomorrow. |
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Mykels_Angel Junior Member
since 2001-06-25
Posts 38australia |
ummm how come my smilie saddies show up as ![]() |
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Allysa![]() ![]()
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
That was awesome Cody! Absolutely awesome! I can't wait to read more. ![]() Someone once taught me that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like yourself. That's what I live by. |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This is really sad. It touched me....geesh. It could happen to any of us. Well done on expressing your thoughts in this one Cody. ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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