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Goldplated Ophelia
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Goldplated Ophelia |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
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Fingers folding the napkin apprehensively, as I watched the rain dance in streams across the window, waiting for a conversation I could pretend to be interested in. I suppose some winding roads only reveal themselves to those worthy of traveling. The dusk had been magnificent, complete with a salmon colored haze clinging to the horizon and a sliver of a moon garnishing the skyline, like a gold nugget in a pile of charcoal... Yet the table was surrounded only by faces begging for something to laugh about, or to excrete their sympathy upon. The floor and hinges and rust lacing between oak wood panels were ripe with age, and the hardwood floor was dusty, but held such a glimmer of yester-year that I was utterly amazed no one was reminiscing. And as soon as chatter filled the void, the clock stroked ten, and this Cinderella with a too-soon curfew left the building. The twilight had blurred into evening, and above me were stars like paralyzed snowflakes, stapled to a sky and bleeding with the same unblunted navy as the twilight before. Clouds formed from the breath in front of me, and the silence was louder than anything I could have told you. So I walked with my hands in my pockets, and ventured home, taking one winding road that crossed infinitely under a golden-haze twilight that only those worthy could travel. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bOoGaSuGa Member
since 2001-08-03
Posts 54 |
*claps* good job!!! makes my poem sound like a kindergarten poem lol   [This message has been edited by bOoGaSuGa (edited 08-05-2001).] |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
Ok just to warn you I'm reading and replying with an almost completely asleep brain... but I really loved the imagery and the message of this poem. I think I will come back and read this again just to make sure I got everything out of it. |
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The Exile Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 52Ontario, Canada |
Marie, Boy, that's a beautiful piece of work indeed!  I especially love the two parts where you used the image of twilight: "The twilight had blurred into evening, and above me were stars like paralyzed snowflakes, stapled to a sky and bleeding with the same unblunted navy as the twilight before." "So I walked with my hands in my pockets, and ventured home, taking one winding road that crossed infinitely under a golden-haze twilight that only those worthy could travel." It's definately some cool effects that you created there by using the image of the twilight in different parts of the poem. I found it very beautiful- yet mixed strangely with a slight sentimentality. Also the ending message is strong. I enjoyed reading it a lot! Keep up the awesome work! - Alex |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
Hey Marie, I don't have much to say (the no big replier thing, I guess), but I really liked this one. Great describtion and atmosphere. But by the way: I think you posted it a bit too early, am I not right?? Anyway, great write, keep going ~dastard "Only two things are infinite; the universe and humans' stupidity, but I'm not sure yet about the universe." ~Albert Einstein |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
Ok I reread it, now that I'm more fully awake, and I still say it's awesome. You painted a picture with your words in my mind. I loved it. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hay there Marie...awesome poem. Truly awesome...you inspired me to write.. Thanks for being you...~Carly Speak softly and carry a beagle. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Marie, Marie, Marie...what will you think of next? GAH! You astound me! Your imagery is incredible! "The twilight had blurred into evening, and above me were stars like paralyzed snowflakes, stapled to a sky and bleeding with the same unblunted navy as the twilight before." That was beautiful. You have such a gorgeous way with words, and you write with such creativity! I always look forward to your work. You have an amazing style with free verse...you impress me to no ends! Thank you for sharing your talent with us, and thank you for a very enjoyable read!  -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
beautiful and your work is amazing...everytime, i click and await what you have in store for us... if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry- |
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Postman Pat Junior Member
since 2001-08-05
Posts 23The Great Land DownUnder |
I thought that that this was a very good poem-the images were very good. You write very well. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Wow Marie! The description here, the imagery, it was amazing! This line made me think: "I suppose some winding roads only reveal themselves o those worthy of traveling." Very intereting. (Sorry I'm so late replying. )You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
"The twilight had blurred into evening, and above me were stars like paralyzed snowflakes, stapled to a sky and bleeding with the same unblunted navy as the twilight before." ... how can i begin to compare my work to something as brillant not to mention inspiring as this... You're one of the poets here who makes me Want to learn to be a better writter... The way you mix words to create such a Wonderful experience is praise worthy, which is a goal... To write with the passion and talent, create the awe you create only more and more with every post... Can't pick a flaw here... Regards, ALLIE |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Awesome. Wow this was just so awesome. You know, I dont know how it feels to have snow, but I used too. I used to go out on dark nights when I was a kid and walk in my front yard and just be alone...all sad with the snowflakes falling and stuff. Man you really brought back a feeling I've forgotten. This was written superbly! You did AWESOME. One of my most favs by you Marie. Great job.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Scott: Thanks! It doesn't make yours sound like a kindergarden poem, silly!  mistic: Heh, I know how that is, replying while almost in dreamland Thanks for enjoying it.The Exile: Thank you very much! Twilight is a beautiful thing in itself! dastard: Aww, thanks for replying, sweetie! Despite the no big-replier. It means a lot to me. Thanks bunches! Carly: I am so glad you got your inspiration from this! That makes me feel even better. Leah: No need to thank me, sillY! It's my job to thank you! Heh, you're welcome nonetheless, and thank YOU for liking it so much! Albert: Thank you, peaches! Postman Pat: Thanks! Jesa: No need to apologize.. Thanks so much for replying! allie: Wow.. I don't know what to say!  That reply means more to me than I could ever tell you. You're so sweet.. thanks so much for enjoying it!Dopes: Memories are great, huh? I'm glad you like it Thanks!--Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Boy Marie, I can't really live up to the replies of these other people, can I? You know how much I appreciate YOU, certainly. I'll focus on the poem itself. This is just a monument to your amazing skill and ability. I particularily liked this piece as it is critical of modern society, you were taking an idea and somehow speaking down upon it. I haven't seen this done very much from you, it was an early method of my own writing that I haven't done in quite some time. It gives the poem a sense of power about it, that you are at a high point criticizing people. Great use of colour, as usual, adjectives and imagery. It's all incredibly well written, is going to enter my private library, and I commend you on it. Excellent work as per your usual, Marie. I await your next with baited breath. Yours always, ~Allan Blood Moon |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wow, Allan... thanks so much. You've more than lived up to it As you well know, your replies mean VERY much to me. To be honest, your opinion quite possibly means more to me than many others. Right now, I am beaming. Your praise and encouragement is what motivates me to farther lengths than you will know.I'm glad you picked up on the fact that I was talking down to the idea here. Society is something I have been writing about a lot lately, and mostly in ways like you read here.  Thanks so much for your reply. I miss seeing them on my poems, as replies like this is what makes posting so worth it. Thanks again, sweetie!  --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
...you always seem to write these pieces leaving me in AWE... [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 09-06-2001).] |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
This had a really airy feeling to it. It also felt like it should be read at some grand poetry reading in the Opera House or something because it was quite beautiful. The imagery you have in this piece is worthy of being published in some sort of magazine that would do this poem justice. I do apologise for getting to it so late! ARGH! Some of the lines I really loved in this was, "And as soon as chatter filled the void, the clock stroked ten, and this Cinderella with a too-soon curfew left the building." "So I walked with my hands in my pockets, and ventured home, taking one winding road that crossed infinitely under a golden-haze twilight that only those worthy could travel." Actually, that ending was my favourite part of the entire piece. It had such a wonderful feeling to it...sort of like a Disney movie. hehe Thank you very much for posting this. It would have to be one of my very faves from you. Well done on a fantastic job, Marie. ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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