Lies of Serpents, River of Tears

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #5

Lies of Serpents, River of Tears

Hand Me Down
Junior Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 32
WV

0 posted 2001-08-04 11:08 PM

Your eyes search for me

For so long I've wanted to come home,
held back by lies of serpents and tongues of brothers turning a child into an enemy
turning open arms into closed fists

I could see the reflection in the tears that made their way down Your face onto the ground I kneel upon

They form a river that overtakes me
Compassion envelops me

I forgive and release

Forgive release

Forgiven released

"Cause I can't fix something this complex anymore than I can build a rose"

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

1 posted 2001-08-05 01:06 AM

I LOVED the last three lines. Very creative way to end the poem.. and powerful. I think that the few long lines in the middle could be broken down into a few lines. I think ti would work better if it was:
"held back by lies of serpents
and tongues of brothers
turning a child into an enemy
turning open arms into closed fists"
Those were my favorites lines, too

I really liked this piece... It's very powerful despite the length. Nicely done!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

2 posted 2001-08-05 03:43 AM

This poem is very powerful especially the last few lines.Keep up the awsome work I can't wait to read more.
Lauren

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-08-06 03:29 PM

Wow!

Short, but so damn powerful!
The last three lines were amazing. I love play on words.
I also loved this: "held back by lies of serpents and tongues of brothers turning a child into an enemy
turning open arms into closed fists"
ANyway! VERY nicely done here- MORE I SAY!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-08-08 04:05 PM

Great job here! Wowness. I really like your poems. They rock. So deep and meaningful.
I look forward to more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.