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chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2001-08-02 03:35 PM

Forever and a Day

The beaming sun
Now setting upon the margin of the world
Lays its last rays
Before sinking low.
The pale stars blink in the darkness
And the moon...
The moon is only watching.
Soon, colourless clouds
Sweep over the midnight sky
The night: barred with these long clouds
Fleeting on a chilled wind.
And sighing,
The moon turns over and sleeps
While the rest of the night awakens
Beneath.
And this night
Seems like years
So long...
How long will it tarry?
"Not long," replies the stars,
"For dawn is not far off."
The clouds believed them
And scurried off with the wind at their heels
While the stars chuckled to themselves
And awoke the moon.
Indeed, dawn was near...
Too near for the moon's liking
For already the first flare of light
Was beginning to appear.
"A little longer yet," he cried
For night was waning.
But the sun did not listen.
Forever was indeed too much
For the sun to bare.
And with his hands
He brushed the moon to the west
Gently
Lulling the moon into a deep slumber
For slumber is what he does best.
A pale blue sky
Opens the day renewed
Shades and hues of blue
Paint the majestic sky
And the sun...
The sun is only watching.

=====
Sometimes the night feels like forever, especially when you can't sleep...

-Leah

ps- had to take a little break from rhyming...

A little free-verse should do it, jah?

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

1 posted 2001-08-02 03:57 PM

That was cool...i really love the way you made the moon's personification seem real...i got a cool mental picture of the entire poem...i thought it was nicely written.

" How can i feel if i can't breathe...?"
- Godsmack

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-08-02 04:18 PM

Leah...

I'm totally impressed.
Adding this one to the library.
The description/imagery/personification..ALL was perfect. I LOVE it. It was beautiful. A very incredible free-verse. Be proud of this one. VERY proud.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-08-03 06:26 PM

This was completely awesome. One of my favs. I really liked this one leah!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-08-03 06:32 PM

impressed, too!...the imagery...and the somewhat dialogue was VERY well written, Leah...and talk about the after-thought...so true.

"if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take" - when thugs cry-

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-08-04 07:08 PM

LEAH! This completely, totally ROCKED! You are awesome at free verse! Who woulda thought?

You should write in free verse more often... This was definitely one of your best. The descriptions and images portrayed throughout are VERY good! Nicely done!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Alysia182
Junior Member

since 2001-06-22

Posts 19
CT

6 posted 2001-08-04 10:26 PM

That was very interesting! I loved it! Keep them coming!

Some day, you will ache like I ache! ~Hole

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