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Kosetsu
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 450
Alabama, USA

0 posted 2001-08-01 09:22 PM

Chains are beginning to form,
Coiling around my chest,
It’s nothing serious…
It isn’t hurting…I’ll just rest.

The chains begin to tighten
With every breath I take,
It’s nothing serious…
They’re nothing I can’t break.

Clenching around my lungs,
They’re growing tighter still,
It’s nothing serious…
This’ll pass…it really will.

Why haven’t they stopped?
They keep getting tighter…
It’s nothing serious…
I can take it...I’m a fighter.

God, why doesn’t it stop?
Every little breath is aching,
This is serious…
I’m suffocating.
-------------------------

Anyone with asthma or bronchiospasms will know what this is about.

-Kosetsu

Of all the things that I confess,
Here's one that is doubtless
I will love you always Jess
Never think I could love you less

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

1 posted 2001-08-01 09:36 PM

I don't have asthma...my mom does though, and it's awfully frightening. You depict it well here. Interesting way of describing it...

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-08-02 12:39 PM

Ugh Adam! I have Asthma and when I have an attack it feels EXACTLY like that. Ugh! I hate it. I can't even clean my room with out having a trouble bretahing for the next couple days...It's horrible. You descriped the thoughts/feelings that one goes through while having these PERFECTLY. Great job!

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-08-02 02:27 AM

very nice way of discribing ashma...with chains...i think you protryed this VERY well.

"if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take" - when thugs cry-

Shygirl82
Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 245
Ilinois

4 posted 2001-08-02 02:49 AM

I have had severe asthma since the age of five...you described the pain and how scary it is not to be able to breathe. This was really good.
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

Low Man's Lyric
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 236
In a dream

5 posted 2001-08-02 11:36 AM

Very nice, great title and a great poem. I don't have asthma but while reading your poem I thought I did.

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
~Steven Wright

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-08-03 05:08 PM

I liked this one. Not the best, but regardless a good poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

7 posted 2001-08-04 06:40 PM

The way you described this was awesome!! I really enjoyed this read. NIcely done!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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