navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » Broken Pieces
Teen Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic Broken Pieces Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2002-04-03 06:41 PM


They talk
             endlessly
                           about how I should
                                                     be mad at you.
Yes, you hurt me
                        but everyone deserves
                                                         a second chance
                                                                                  right?
I'm not mad about
                          what you did to me
                                                     truth is,
                                                                I don't care.
I don't know why
                       I still want to be
                                             around you
                                                             all the time.
You let me dress you
                              up at school in
                                                   a pointy purple witch's hat
                                                                                         and a feathery mask.
I took your picture
                          and paraded you
                                                  around the hallway
                                                                             so everyone could see.
You might come
                        out with me on
                                             Friday or Saturday
                                                                       and really, that's okay.
They talk endlessly
                            about how I should
                                                      forget the way I feel
                                                                                   when you're around.
They think it doesn't
                            matter much to them
                                                         so why should it matter
                                                                                           to the broken pieces of me?

Don't let your mind wander, it's much to small to be out by itself.

© Copyright 2002 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
Demonic Illusion
Member
since 2002-02-07
Posts 50

1 posted 2002-04-04 06:00 PM


interesting way of writing that...very nice though

Demonic Illusions, Frostic Dragons, Bloody Tears From Me To You....all surround by a force of Untouchable Darkness

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
2 posted 2002-04-05 12:53 PM



Allysa-
Wow...this is extremely well done, and the
presentation is very effective.
Very powerful piece.
I'm really enjoying your writing.
You're an exceptional poet...keep it up.
Hugs,
~Vicky



"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

[This message has been edited by vlraynes (04-05-2002 12:54 AM).]

See me?
Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 93
UK
3 posted 2002-04-05 06:01 AM


Really good, love the way you set it out very original. Content was very moving I am going through this. They say that love is blind and in a way it is but I think that your feelings are more important than what anyone is saying about him as they don't know what you feel. Just don't let him hurt you. I know I have been hurt. ' but everyone deserves a second chance right?' this is true but be careful, I gave this second chance and got hurt again, and I can't give a third chance as much as I would want to in my heart. Take care, I hope you make the right choises.
God Bless your decision, I hope it works out for you. Clare in the face of a broken heart

Life is about change,sometimes its painful,sometimes its beautiful,sometimes its both.

Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
4 posted 2002-04-05 08:41 AM


Very unique.
Well written, my dear.
So very real and honest, I like it.

Jenn

"I can't get you out of my head- your love is all I think about."

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2002-04-06 03:09 PM



Allysa, I like the way you have set this out, trailing your thoughts...it is also interesting how you are looking out for the emotions of the person you are talking about, as well.  I would like to see more of this style of writing from you.

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
6 posted 2002-04-06 08:26 PM


I think this is great - the title followed the 'broken pieces' of thought in your poem. Well done!
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » Broken Pieces

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary