Teen Poetry #5 |
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love that hurts |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
hey hey...no idea where this came from. i was being all depressed with my head in my hands and this came to me. i dunno if i lyk it (rarely do i ever like any of my own poems) so be honest, if you see something that needs fixing do tell. thanks. -fear- i don't know how much more of this i can take i'm driving thru life on an empty tank this love of ours hurts it's painful as hell almost like being sliced with a knife i know that this isn't just me you have to feel it too so why are you so insistent on us staying together? i'll admit i don't know much about life but i do know one thing how love isn't supposed to make you cry deep into your pillow at night it's supposed to make you laugh and smile in your dreams so our love is obviously not meant to be -fear- i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song [This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (edited 08-01-2001).] |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
Wow...this is some tough stuff. "i don't know much about life but i do know one thing how love isn't supposed to make you cry deep into your pillow at night it's supposed to make you laugh and smile in your dreams so our love is obviously not meant to be" I am really feeling ya on this part...I hope the situation improves. Excellent write! ~Nikki~ It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
but i do know one thing how love isn't supposed to make you cry deep into your pillow at night WOW... this is a bad bad place to be.. and i think we've all been there.. you made it a wonderful post however! ALLIE |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I liked the line about going through life on an empty tank. I've felt that way many times. And I know what you mean- how love isn't supposed to be so painful etc. I thought you did a great job on expressing yourself. Sorry you're so depressed though. But it made for a wonderful free-verse. ![]() |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
thanks!!! :-) -fear- i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Awesome job here. I really liked this one. very well done. ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I liked this... but I think you should go back and take out the shorthand you have in there. I think you should maybe add punctuation as well. I liked the content, the poem is well written. I think those suggestions will contribute to more power within the poem. Nicely done! --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
once again, a great poem ![]() I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
this is an awesome poem. You express yourself really well. It's a bad place to be but things do get better, or so I'm told. well done on this one. katie "by takeing no risks you are really risking everything" |
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anonymous albert ?![]()
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
expression of yourself...was awesome...i REALLY liked this piece...quite powerful!...hope things get better for you, Fear. if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry- |
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