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Little Girl - 2000th
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Little Girl - 2000th |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
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Post #2000  Enjoy.---------------------------------------------------------------------- Little Girl She was a little girl, crumpled against the window, pondering how the colors could exist so radiantly and wondering how the snow could so eerily resemble dancers drifting from the heavens and spinning elegantly on the wind’s frosty breath... She was a young woman, hand on the steamed glass, contemplating the theories she had learned in math and how science so persistently tried to prove exactly what 'Beauty' was... She was a graduated lady, eager to climb the corporate latter, wondering where she would get the money to pay the rent and why it rained such muddy, depressing water every single day... She was an old woman, rocking next to the sliding door, gazing at the sky and glancing at her reflection-- wondering where the little girl went; the dreamer, the feeler, the person who adamantly absorbed life rather than translating it... But her reflection was wrinkled and she could no longer understand how gray days looked divine, but could only remember what they taught her about how clouds formed in science class... She was a gaunt, ashen figure, choked into an open casket, surrounded by mourning relatives, discussing how intelligent she had been, but resting below a headstone reading "Dreamer". --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
First and foremost: CONGRATS ON 2000!!! Secondly: Your poem. I love it! The way you describe the girl's life to the end. I especially liked the end. Great impact. You impress me, Mar. Beautiful write! TLMF, Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Wow, that was beautiful. What else can I say? Not much. Great job! Rhonda  "Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardiel *insert hysterical laughter from me here* |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow!...i've lost my words lol...this was awesome...the way you protrayed this life beginning to end gave it such..and with the ending which was amazing gives it MUCH depth...i truly loved this piece...and CONGRATS ON THE 2000 ms. elite!!!...hope to see more from you SOON!...bye Marie  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Wow, this was beautifully done. I liked how you desrcibed that girl/women/old women and the ending was great. Congrats on 2000! Oh and I kind of tweaked my second stanza on my poem "The Life of fanasy, The Dream of Reality". I didn't edited it but I put it down as a reply, tell me what you think of it. "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Congratulations on 2000 and well done on the poem I really enjoyed the read Andrew |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
GOOD STUFF, liked it alot I loved the time line and the way the poem went from her start to her end. I liked it alot I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say |
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scout Member
since 2001-06-16
Posts 175no place owns me |
I really like this one, its kinda got a 1960 new england poetic feel (which by far was the best part of american poetry). xscoutx |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Leah - Thanks! I'm relaly glad you like it. I impress you, do I?  Nah..Skyfire - Thank you! You said enough, hehe Shnookums - hehe! Thanks, sweetie! Heh, Ms. Elite.. I like that! You will see more soon.Aaron - Thank you for the congrats, I'm glad you liked it. I replied to your revised poem. I like that.. good job! Zu - I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the congrats. the_rescue - Good stuff, huh? I'm glad you enjoyed it... The way it's a time line is actually why I like it too, hehe. Thanks!scout - New England... hmm... I'm glad that's a good thing! Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 06-28-2001).] |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Hey, great job on the poem, and happy 2000!!! We've enjoyed every poem you've posted, and all of your comments and critiques!! *Amanda* |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
CONGRATULATIONS!  Hooray for you!!!!!! You have told this little story like a total pro! Marie, you rock and that is all there is to it. ~AF~ Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!! [This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 06-29-2001).] |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
first of all CONGRATULATIONS on 2000 Secondly, the poem is amazing. Su ch beautiful narration of a person contemplating her life. Beautiful imagery. Thanks for sharing. Hope to see more hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Amanda - I've enjoyed every poem, and critique too.. hehe Thanks, girl.EJ - WOW! Thanks for the congrats. Acire - Thank you You'll see more soon--Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
A 1960 New England poetic feel? Haha that's such a nice and interesting way to critique this poem! Thought that was nice. Well anyway I liked the poem. I'd like to say congrats ms. elite and to say that this free verse poem was exceptional. I liked the ending very much. It made an impact within the whole thing. Very nicely done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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TunaKaHuna Junior Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 19United States |
Congrats on 2000!! Your poem is as special now as it did when I first read it at your house Marie! It shows very loving and longing to you and everyone's loving tender heart that you send out in your poem! *Sniff* why did she have to die?! I was looking forward for her happiness, but very intriged by the poetic form. Keep up the good work, and I will enjoy to read your next piece of work! --Brenton If you give a person a title, then you really dont have to know a person...but, they may just be the person who can make you see of happy life can be. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Oh Marie! First off, I'm terribly sorry I didn't reply sooner. Shame on me.  Anyway, having said that... Here's a late Congrats to you for reaching 2,000 posts. Still...Moving on- The Poem was incredible Marie. I loved the whole story line. Wonderfully written.  |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Dopes - Haha.. very interesting! Thanks. Like I said before, hmm, Ms. Elite.. has a nice ring to it Brenton - Thanks, sweetie! You're getting all sentimental on me! I'm glad you liked it just as much as when you read it here. Jess - Hey.. better late than never Thanks for the congrats, and I'm glad you liked the poem!--Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
I dont think there is anything in here that needs to be "ripped apart". The words all flow so well ... that once I was at the end I couldn't believe how amazing it was. It was written with a lot of wit, great job! "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Hidden - Heh, wit huh? Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.--Marie |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
*sigh* i love this marie. it made me want to write again. and that feeling ive missed. this goes into my library so i can always be reminded when ever i need the lil nudge. thank you for this. *hugs* tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
CONGRATS ON YOUR 2000TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an amazing post to celebrate!!! It was so beautiful and so wonderfully worded....amazing job...u have so much talent |
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Starnite Junior Member
since 2001-07-05
Posts 41Wisconsin |
Congrats on your 2000th!!!! Aww I though that was wonderful. I liked it!!   **Sarah[This message has been edited by Starnite (edited 07-11-2001).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wow! Thanks Tiff, Sugar, and Starnite. It means so much to me that you enjoyed it Thanks for the congrats. I appreciate your comments.--Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Congratulations "Blood Moon" |
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