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Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2001-07-30 10:28 AM

I changed up the line breaks...i think it makes it much easier to catch the tempo

Ever since you stepped to me
I’ve been
Unable to feel
Wrapped the car around a tree
And got
Back behind the wheel
Sure the vision may be blurry
But things
Never are clear
So don’t waste your time and worry
Just try
And help me steer

Cause your ego keeps on breaking
And my
Foots on the gas
Feel my life lives in the making
And I’m
Trying to pass
But I just can’t get around you
In need
Of new lane
Sure, I thank god that I found you
But you
Drive me insane

Wish I knew which way were headed
Cause I’m
Completely lost
Almost out of the unleaded
And cant
Handle the cost
We better get where were going
Cause these
Circles wont last
And I cant live in the knowing
That we’re
Back to our past

So I’m back behind the wheel
Fresh off
Of my last wreck
Doesn’t matter how you deal
When you
Play with a stacked deck
And I just can’t get around you
But I’ll
Try on in vain
Sure, I thank god that I found you
But you
Drive me insane

[This message has been edited by Kevin (edited 07-30-2001).]

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

1 posted 2001-07-30 10:55 AM

This was very intersting work Kevin. Your writing keeps getting better. keep writing.

Regina

If you only understood my pain then maybe you could learn to be my friend. Be there. My crying shoulder. The smiles. And the caring i need to survive.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

2 posted 2001-07-30 01:23 PM

interesting....i liked this one...

fall hard, practice harder not to fall
Don't belong, Don't exist, Don't give a S***, Don't ever judge me -Slipknot
death is certain, life is not
s

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-07-30 02:05 PM

Kevin, wow. This one really impressed me.
I liked the whole use of the car and drving and all that and relating it all back to a relationship. I thought you did VERY welll on that. It flowed relatively well. An aweomse piece here. I liked it bunches!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-07-30 02:30 PM

I REALLY liked the format of this one. Awesome job on this one. Very well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Shygirl82
Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 245
Ilinois

5 posted 2001-07-30 04:07 PM

I have to agree...the format really made the poem. I liked the way you compared the car and driving and how you incorporated into the relationship. Great poem!!
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-08-04 01:44 PM

This was awesome, Kev. It reminds me of the structure of Ani DiFranco's songs.. in fact, this would probably make an awesome song. I really liked this... nicely done!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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