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Teen Poetry #5
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MoeRocko
Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166
West Virginia

0 posted 2001-07-29 02:14 AM



You hit me, you use my emotions against me
You smash all that is me with only words
then when you think it's not enough
physical domination satisfies your urge

But it's ok that you can't accept what you are
It's ok that you don't like what you've become
Is it my fault that you make mistakes?
Or are you jealous that I'm not that dumb

It's ok that my suffering gives you peace of mind
You couldn't tell if someone did love you
you are so blind.
It's ok because what you sow, you will reap
It's ok because you think I'm the weak sheep
It's ok because I know where you sleep...

"Nothing will stop me, and whether I'm here or wherever I may be, I'll always have the same feelings, I'll say what I feel." ~Lennon
  

© Copyright 2001 Ewok Enterprise - All Rights Reserved
Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
1 posted 2001-07-29 02:44 AM


Whoa! *Blown away by the last line*
Haha- I LOVED this. Nothing more to say!
INTO THE LIBRARY!  

katherine
Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365
Canberra Australia
2 posted 2001-07-29 06:09 AM


This is AWESOME! WOW!

katie

"by takeing no risks you are really risking everything"
Vic's RE book

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-07-29 01:06 PM


LMAO that ending completely rocked! Haha woah....talk about powerful. I REALLY enjoyed this one. I oughta give this to a few people on my poo list.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

never_a_princess
Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 82
Show Me the Money
4 posted 2001-07-29 04:39 PM


Heya Ewokz..*hmm* what shall I say? good poem..*likes* 'Specially the last stanza. anyways...*drops the nice act* :P J/k...maybe..
__o0o_Anna_o0o__  *waves*

Jessica
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350
South AL
5 posted 2001-07-29 09:48 PM


Into the library it goes   Great writing  

What don't kill you can only make you stronger...

Love you, Adam!! :)

Wicced_Witch
Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 110
Clarksville, TN, USA
6 posted 2001-07-30 12:05 PM


Wow, that ending was a real twist.  I loved it.
mistic
Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.
7 posted 2001-07-31 12:32 PM


I really liked the raw emotion in this one. great job  
anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
8 posted 2001-07-31 12:54 PM


If you know where they sleep go out and seek revenge.  
Just to echo everyone else, Yup, that ending kicked major ass!!  
You've expressed yourself really well and written some true emotions in this. Good job.  

~AF~

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Robin Williams

Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
9 posted 2001-07-31 01:07 PM


this is great writing...

i saw that end coming all the way...
i guess the image i get from reading this is the person is talking about a parent...
maybe thats just where im taking it but the last line kind of cemented it for me

i hope this is fictional but if its not
im sorry

[This message has been edited by Kevin (edited 07-31-2001).]

MoeRocko
Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166
West Virginia
10 posted 2001-07-31 04:51 PM


Haha, be assured this IS fictional. I just wanted to write something a little different...  

"Nothing will stop me, and whether I'm here or wherever I may be, I'll always have the same feelings, I'll say what I feel." ~Lennon
  

Shygirl82
Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245
Ilinois
11 posted 2001-07-31 06:16 PM


Wow this was great!!! I loved the last stanza
"It's ok that my suffering gives you peace of mind
You couldn't tell if someone did love you
you are so blind.
It's ok because what you sow, you will reap
It's ok because you think I'm the weak sheep
It's ok because I know where you sleep..."

I was so totally feeling this part...Excellent write!!!!
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

Low Man's Lyric
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236
In a dream
12 posted 2001-08-01 01:03 AM


Great just great, its nice to see something different. Good job and of course like everyone said, I realy like the ending.

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
~Steven Wright

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

13 posted 2001-08-01 02:20 AM


the ending def. was a surprise...the whole poem was well expressed...powerful...loved this piece

if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
14 posted 2001-08-04 02:54 PM


Very powerful here!  I LOVED the last line!  Haha.. awesome work.  I really enjoyed this!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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