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Teen Poetry #5
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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Stars |
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FoxXena Member
since 2001-06-13
Posts 141where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted |
Have you ever looked up at the stars, across the vast expanse of space? Have you seen something up there, not from this time nor place? I often looked up and wondered, what was my place here, but then back down from the sky, in my sleep I peered. The most treasured things I saw, are often over looked, the dreams of children, never forgotten. How they played in parks and streets, looking past the material things, to the pinpricks of light in the sky, those stars, and their dreams, unreachable as they seem, are within arms length. ~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Karen Cloud - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
This is so adorable! Great work   ,Suga "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is pretty good, Fox. I really like the idea. The imagery and the picture portrayed was very good, something that's a constant in your poetry, and something that's very enjoyed. The meter was choppy in places. The first and second stanzas flowed very well, and the rhyme scheme was consistant, which helped the meter. However, in the third stanza, the rhyme scheme you had going was dropped, and the meter changed completely. In the last stanza, another rhyme scheme picked up, but I think it would have been helpful to have the same rhyming pattern as you did in the first and second stanzas. The flow could be fixed a little in the last stanza. You have a lot of very good things going in this poem. I really enjoyed it... nice work. Just a few suggestions --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
great job!...very nice imagery..i enjoyed the read...bye  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
interesting thought to ponder. you've reached out in this one, which is a good road to take. nice work. "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I agree with Fading Away about the rhyme scheme, but it was good nonetheless!! Rhonda  "Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardiel *insert hysterical laughter from me here* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Such serene and peaceful words. You've put me in this caring mood right now. ~*applauds*~ Thanks for everything, not only the read, all the feelings that came after it too hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I enjoyed it. I agree that you could have done better w/ the rhyme and meter. Either stick w/ free verse, or make it all rhyme. Or you could make some more definite transition. Just some ideas. But overall, it was good. *Amanda* |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
I really like this poem keep up the awsome work. Lauren |
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angel_2401 Member
since 2001-06-12
Posts 131Cincinnati, OH |
I really like this. I love to look at the stars. This is imaginative, and I hope to see more of your work! I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem. |
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FoxXena Member
since 2001-06-13
Posts 141where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted |
Well, there wasn't supposed to be any rhyme scheme, just what I wanted to say. Other then that, thank you for your comments. ~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
you're welcome hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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scout Member
since 2001-06-16
Posts 175no place owns me |
"unreachable as they seem, are within arms length." nice poem, i really like that last line. xscoutx |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
kooly...very kooly. haha i remember doing this when i was little....awww childhood memories. thanks for the read fox!! yaaaaay!! -fear- emotions are like evil serpents that coil around your mind---me "i cannot save you, i can't even save myself"--stabbing westward |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
This has made me really relaxed. Your words come with such comfort that are hard to let go of. Beautifully written and keep 'em coming. ~AF~ Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!! |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
where I live, there are so many stars out at night.....beautiful.....and I still like to think I can touch them |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I live in two places....in the city I can't see any stars cuz of the lights, but in my beach condo I can see them and it rocks. I loved the meaning of this poem. It was very nice. I liked this one a lot!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
that's really good, I really enjoyed it!! thanx fer sharing...but Dopes, get nearer to the stars, they are some of the most beautiful things of this world -->Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile. |
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