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Teen Poetry #5

the consumer

mpt
Junior Member

since 2001-07-22

Posts 32
australia

0 posted 2001-07-24 12:16 PM

i wrote this poem for a dear friend of mine who i never really tell enough how much they mean to me, she is the beauty which can brighten my darkest day

i sit and caress my goatee
surveying the beauty ahead
noticing how beauty brightens up a day beyond all darkness
beauty always exists
and dismisses the darkness like nothing else
it will always exist so i know
i know i can never be totally consumed

Though dreams can be deceiving
Like faces are to hearts
They serve for sweet relieving
When fantasy and reality lie too far apart
- Fiona Apple

DarkenedShadow
Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 114
Kansas

1 posted 2001-07-24 01:52 PM

Ahh yes, the beauty of someone speacil to brighten your day in life. You did a good job on this peice and I feel that expansion is needed just a teeny bit, I felt left off at the end of the poem like there needed to be more, but hey great job. /Nick/

chas
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 101
Lynn, ma

2 posted 2001-07-24 02:04 PM

nice work, it could use a little more..

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-07-24 07:05 PM

I liked the beginning image of you caressing your goatee. Thought it was perfect for this.
ANYWAY...Ya- this could most definetly be expanded. Nice write.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-07-25 05:44 PM

I REALLY REALLY liked this one. Within all the simplicity of this poem lies tons of complex issues. Beauty being the main theme that stops you, no matter how messed up, from being totally consumed by ugliness or darkness.
Very well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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