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Teen Poetry #5
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Looking Through Your Eyes
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Looking Through Your Eyes |
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Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
As I look into your eyes I can see myself so strong I can see a twinkle in your eye I can tell that im a part of you Its all too real Looking through your eyes As I look into your eyes I can see me slowly fading away I can see a tear in your eye I can tell im going to disappear Its all too real Looking through your eyes As I look through your eyes I can see the glimpse of someone else I can see that twinkle in your eye I can tell im gone Its all too real Looking through your eyes As I look into your eyes I can see your happier I can see a tear in your eye I can tell that you know that I am here watching from above Its all too real Looking through your eyes "True friends stab you in the front." "You are special and unique in your own way." "Your FAITH is all you need" [This message has been edited by Chel (edited 07-21-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michelle Y. Plocinik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I see what your saying and I've been there before... Man have I been there before. Eyes can tell so much. I think this was lacking a bit emotion though. Not sure. And the First line threw me off. You should choose either through or into- you can't have them both. Other than that I thought this was a nice write. Thanks for the read.  |
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Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
Spice, thanx for your advice. I just felt like writing, I guess my hands were working faster than my mind. "True friends stab you in the front." |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
I thought this one was good. I have to agree with Spice about the eyes...they truly are the window to a person's soul. This was great and thanks for sharing! ~Nikki~ It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
The words "into" and "through" are used here in the poem. Into just means yer looking at them and in their soul.....through just means you're trying to get passed the eyes and get to something else. If the poem is about love and so on "into" would be perfect. If it's about bitterness or some much DEEPER meaning "through" would be awesome. Personally, I love "through"...but that's just me. Anyhow, I thought you did just fine on the poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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